Spines
by thesunsetshigh
Summary: Injuries take time to heal, emotionally and physically. A journey through the electric and often torturous emotions of the two leaders as they try to find peace in a world never far from war. It's a slow burn, featuring slight angst and a side of bitterness that tracks the events after Mount Weather. Separation, sarcasm and stargazing ensues. Clexa (*sighs*) endgame.
1. A Wounded Warrior

Polis.

Polis was a distant dream where the weight of her decisions would be nothing but an equally distant memory-but Clarke wasn't in Polis. Clarke was lost.

It hadn't surprised her- she had set off with no map and only the faintest memory of a Grounder mentioning that the city was somewhere in the east. Of course, they could have been talking about the City of Light, but _perhaps, _thought Clarke,_ even that would be better than the ark__. _ Now, however, she was beginning to realise that the trees- beautiful though they were- existed with the sole purpose of confusing her even more and it was pissing her off.

She had many reasons to be pissed off of course. There was the leadership she had not asked for, and the consequences she had to deal with nonetheless. There was the fact that she wanted the chance to truly appreciate the nature which she'd only ever read about, rather than destroy it, or worse- use it to destroy others. And then, there was Lexa.

Lexa.

Lexa was the thought that was never far from Clarke's mind, but with each new futile attempt to purge her brain of the young commander, Clarke felt the urge to cry. It was foolish to expect any different, but she had honestly hoped that that an alliance between the Sky People and the Grounders could have been achieved. It had certainly been a possibility, but with Lexa's betrayal still hauntingly fresh in her memory, she was far too aware of how different they were. _How ironic_, she thought, barking a short and humourless laugh to herself, that she was lost in a forest, because _Lexa was like the trees, with their strong spines and their hard exteriors. _Yet still, Clarke had an endless wonder for trees that she knew would never be quenched; if only they would stop getting her lost.

Clarke was tired. Not so much physically- having stopped at the art supply bunker she had more than enough resources to sleep well and comfortably for the nights. Mentally? Well that was another story. She was tired of counting more losses than victories. Tired of putting her people before herself- tired of _having_ people in the first case. She was tired of making decisions with her head because her heart sat heavily in her chest regardless of the outcome. Most of all though, she was tired of having to survive. For once, she wanted to rest her eyes with the knowledge that no one was set to die the next day. Instead, walking further into the depths of the forest she was even more on the alert- at least it was only for her own survival. That certainly sat lighter on her shoulders than the fate of her friends in Mount Weather had. For once, if she failed, nobody else would suffer for it.

It was because she was on alert that she first heard the screaming. They were not pleasant screams at all- they were raw, instinctual cries that wrenched at Clarke's gut and set her nerves on edge. She could feel the wind across her face as a flock of birds flew from the trees, so loud were the screams that they had been dislodged them from their nests. Clarke knew that she should stop, that generally running towards a clear source of pain was not the best idea, but still her feet moved her forward with the same automatic purpose that had been accompanying her since she first stepped off the drop ship. So still she moved, unsure of what torture the forest could hide.

Frankly, she couldn't see anything. Those_ damned_ trees were doing their _damned _best to obscure every _damned _thing, but the screams continued and so did Clarke, knife unsheathed and head held high.

Then she saw the horses, lying in ways that no horses should. There was one, fallen against a rock. Two more, on top of the first. Not ten feet away lay the fourth, whose shallow breathing was as faint and as irregular as Clarke had ever seen. Whatever had harmed them was not long gone. She released a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding and walked on cautiously. Her intention had been to avert her gaze as her path took her alongside the horses, then her boots squelched on the forest floor and she couldn't help but look.

There was blood, _so much blood_¸ which from a distance had been hard to see. Now Clarke could see and she wished she couldn't. There were wounds, deep, deep wounds to the horse's hind legs, whilst across his chest were ragged claw marks. Large gashes carved into the muscles, revealing beneath the bones of the once mighty animal's ribs. They moved with each frail breath and her decision was made. Taking the knife, she knelt beside the fallen horse and steadied her hand within his sweat-dampened mane. Then with a sigh, she pulled the blade of the knife through the veins of his neck, hoping his anatomy was close enough to a human's that this might deliver a swift death. Combined with his other injuries, it certainly didn't take long, and for Clarke - who couldn't watch for longer than was necessary - it was time to locate the screaming. Whatever had hurt these horses must have hurt their riders too, and Clarke pitied the human who fell prey to such a vicious attack.

The screams were close, punctuated by desperate gasps and pained groans, yet she still couldn't see the injured. It wasn't until she had made her way down the slope and past a small rock mound that she saw anyone at all. A Grounder, huge with muscles covered entirely in drying blood, stood by the mound. When Clarke laid eyes upon him she braced herself for his attack, but he remained still, watching her with trained eyes as she approached, bowing his head in recognition.

"Clarke of the Sky People," he said, his voice gruff, heavily accented and void of any emotion that Clarke could recognise. "Heda will appreciate your healing abilities." Then he stepped aside, revealing an entrance hidden within the rock's surface. Another scream was heard, louder, but clearly filtered by the depths of whatever space the Grounder was guarding. Clarke stalled. She didn't know what she had been expecting to find, but it certainly had not been this. She was not prepared to see Lexa again so soon, though she doubted there would ever be a good time for such a reunion. For a second she was scared, paralysed by the thought that Lexa was injured, and then she was terrified that she could be so concerned for someone who had caused her so much pain herself. Another scream. The Grounder reached out for Clarke, grasping at her shoulder. "Please," he said, gesturing to the entrance behind him, and Clarke – in shock at how loaded his pleading had sounded- could only nod in response before entering.

Unlike the mining tunnels that riddled Mount Weather, the rock gave way to a small passage that opened up into a spacious cave. On the walls of the passage were paintings, made from rustic colours, of symbols that Clarke couldn't understand. In the cave, the cries were louder, echoing through the space in such a way that they echoed in Clarke's head too. It was dark; what little light that allowed Clarke to see came only from the entrance through which she had just walked and a small opening in the cave's roof. It wasn't a lot at all, but it was enough for Clarke to make out three figures in the space- _the other riders_. One was crouched over the second who lay on the floor, and the third stood with their back to the entrance. Clarke sighed with relief – it was Lexa standing. She was alive, and the confusion the relief caused could wait for another time.

The figure lying down screamed again, shoulders lifting in agony before dropping to the floor with a rough grunt. Clarke could hear the Grounder beside him speaking softly but rapidly in Trigedasleng. She could only assume it was intended to comfort the severely wounded warrior. Any prayers, if the Grounders had prayers at all, would be a waste of breath.

"You should end his suffering." Clarke spoke into the dim light of the cave. The Grounder nodded his head, continuing his constant stream of the words. _Perhaps it's a ritual for the dying, _thought Clarke, but she didn't focus on them for long. She saw Lexa tense, looking over her shoulder at the sound of Clarke's voice. Even in the darkness Clarke could see her wince at the movement, could see the contours of her neck move as she swallowed, but her face was shadowed.

She turned around, her stance as strong as ever, but her head was bowed and her eyes were cast downwards again. "I should…" she replied, catching Clarke's eyes. The _"but I can't" _went unspoken, hanging heavily in the air between them. Another scream, and Lexa dropped her eyes, once more returning to look at the cave's floor.

Clarke understood what she had to do – she'd done it already today- but with a human it was different. She approached the crouched Grounder and placed her hand on his shoulder. He looked up, sadness marring his features, but he allowed Clarke to kneel besides them both. Another wretched scream, and now Clarke could see the trail of blood that fell from his mouth and dripped onto the floor. He was too far gone, in too much pain to register Clarke's presence. His eyes were open, moving quickly, bloodshot and unseeing. The steady stream of Trigedasleng did not falter as Clarke proceeded, but softened in volume as the tension left the wounded warrior's face and his mutilated body laid still. Finally there was silence, and then a question – still in the foreign tongue – and Lexa's solemn reply. Satisfied, the Grounder moved to close his comrade's eyes, then gathered the limp body into his arms as he stood up. He carried him through the entrance and out of the cave without another word, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone for the first time since before Mount Weather.

Lexa's shoulders sunk the second her warrior left, and Clarke could see the commander's body give in to the young girl that hardly saw the surface. "I," she started, collapsing now onto the wall of the cave. "I couldn't…I didn't want anyone else to die for me." She spoke slowly, shaking her head back and forth as if the words falling from her mouth were betraying everything she stood for. Except she wasn't standing. She was leaning heavily on the wall for support, it was the only thing stopping her from falling and she knew it.

"What happened Lexa?" Clarke asked gently. She didn't move from where she had been kneeling, but watched the other girl's face carefully. She knew the pain behind the words - it had pulsed through her own heart for so long she wondered it if had replaced her blood.

"We were on our way to Polis. A rider came asking for our help." Lexa gulped then, turning her head and wiping her eyes. Determined, she spoke on in a blunt, cold tone. "An entire village ravaged by beasts and there was nothing we could do." She said 'nothing' like it was the worst shame she had ever experienced. Clarke knew that feeling too. "We left the village this morning," Lexa continued, "but the beast caught us by midday." She looked down at Clarke with sorrowed eyes. "My horses are not slow Clarke."

"I know they aren't" Clarke replied. She had seen the horses, and they were strong and slim. They were built for speed.

Lexa drew in a breath, holding Clarke's gaze. "I have fought many creatures, Clarke, but this was like none I have ever seen."

Clarke stood up with grace that did not reflect the state of her mind. She held out her hand, waiting for Lexa to move across the small distance the cave offered. Closer to the light from the roof, the blood on Lexa's clothes become worryingly apparent and the dents in her armour were easy for Clarke to see. Saying nothing, she tugged on Lexa's hand, pulling the girl even closer. Lexa gave in, resting her head onto Clarke's shoulder and moving her arms to hold onto the blonde. Clarke moved also, placing one hand onto the small of Lexa's back, and moving the other to stroke the tangles of Lexa's once braided hair. She studied Lexa's slender frame.

"How badly are you injured?" she asked. She had watched the commander as she talked. Seen the stiffness in her movements, heard the hitch in her breath. Clarke knew Lexa was not one to willingly show pain.

"Not badly," said Lexa, shaking her head into Clarke's shoulder. "I will live."

"Lexa, please don't play the hero. Let me help you." She knew she sounded needy, but Clarke was beyond caring. In spite of everything, she felt an unexplainable need to ensure the girl was okay.

Lexa released Clarke and moved back. With shaking hands she removed her armour, then her cloak, dropping them onto the floor – they had both been ruined anyway. She moved to grip the material of her under-shirt, but her fingers trembled so much that Clarke stepped in to help. In another place, in another time, this move would have been sensual, she was technically undressing the commander, but there in the cave it was anything but. Clarke lifted the shirt with Lexa's help, pulling it over the taller girl's head. As she placed it on the floor, Lexa turned around again, so that by the time Clarke was upright she was facing Lexa's almost bare back.

There was material bound around her chest, but Clarke could see why Lexa was in pain. Along the waistline of Lexa's trousers there was a long claw mark and the beginning of a very dark bruise that seems to grow from her hips and climb her spine. "Lexa," Clarke breathed softly, tracing the bruise that coloured the girl's back. Goosebumps rose at her gentle touch, but Clarke didn't pull away – when Lexa leaned back into her, Clarke held her. Her hands moved upwards, past the material, rubbing warmth into the shoulders where the spirals of a tattoo could be seen on her skin.

Scars too, were spread across the skin, and they served to remind Clarke of how much Lexa had been through despite her young age. She had known a different world. When she could look at them no longer, she nudged at Lexa's shoulders and the girl spun until they faced each other again. Now Lexa watched as Clarke's eyes followed the rest of the tattoo spreading across her collarbone, and when their eyes met she wasn't the only one who was blushing.

Clarke braced herself on Lexa's shoulders, then leant up and pressed her lips against Lexa's like the gentlest exhale of breath. It was nothing.

It was nothing, and it was everything.


	2. The Arrows and the Time Bomb

Oh hey hi hello there! To be honest, I was not expecting my first fan fiction to gain as much success as it has, and I am honoured by every single person who takes the time to read this. Like seriously, thanks. This was originally intended to be a one shot and I'm more nervous about this chapter, but some people asked for a continuation, and I have so much homework to procrastinate, and now here I am with a second chapter. Also, I am very much on board the Clexa ship, and I would hate to see it lost in the sea of Bellarke, because yuck. :) In case the first chapter wasn't clear, this work has no beta, and whilst the mistakes are my own, the characters (unfortunately) are not. Read on my fellow Clexa shippers

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"_despite everything I'm still human, but I think I'm dying here" _

_(Human – Daughter)_

**Chapter Two – The Arrows and the Time Bomb**.

After helping Lexa put on her shirt, knowing rest was the only medication available, Clarke helped lower her to the ground and offered her the water canteen from the bag she'd carried into the cave with her. At first Lexa declined, claiming _no commander should need to drink from someone else's supply_, and that she was perfectly capable of getting her own, _thank you very much. _Clarke, in turn, pointed out that Lexa could barely sit up by herself; she had slumped onto the wall again, her back aching from the hours she'd spent standing (not to mention the wound that ran deep). When that didn't work, Clarke took Lexa's face into her hands, and stated simply that _she wasn't much a fan of the Commander at the moment, _and_ could Lexa please just take the damned water. _With a huff the girl complied, and let Clarke guide the canteen to her lips. _Apparently, _Clarke thought, _you can lead a horse to water. _

Now they sat in the cave in a silence that was less than comfortable. The conversation, the argument, the apology and the tears sat waiting between them – a time bomb that ticked louder for every second that it was ignored. Clarke for her part, didn't want to think of anything to do with Mount Weather – she had hoped that setting off into the forest would mean that she wouldn't have to breach the subject (or anything related to it for that matter), for a very long time. Yet somehow, she had managed to find the very source of where everything had started going wrong, and she was sitting two feet away from her. Up on the Ark, Clarke had believed that the Earth was so huge it was a wonder any one could find anyone at all. Down on the ground, she realised that was incorrect. It was a big planet undoubtedly, but it was a small world, and Clarke cursed its deceit. Regardless, having ensured Lexa was in the least pain possible – that need for the brunette's well-being still confused her – she put some distance between them and found herself staring pointedly at the cave's floor.

Beside her, Lexa was torn. Thanking Clarke would probably evoke a less than desirable response, and honestly it wasn't Lexa's place to deserve the help she received from the Sky Princess; selfishly, Lexa didn't want to be the one to remind her either. Somewhere inside, Lexa was worried that saying anything would only result in her breaking whatever fragile truce they had just formed. She knew too well that Clarke could have just been following her duty as the sky healer out of an automatic response that had been drilled into her – like making quick decisions in the middle of the battle had been drilled into Lexa. The Commander sighed inwardly – that conversation, when it came, would be unpleasant for the both of them.

"They have gone to get firewood so that we may stay here for the night," said Lexa, answering a question that Clarke hadn't dared to ask. The blonde nodded in response, her lips pressed together in a way that made Lexa's heart hurt. Whatever distrust she held for Lexa, Clarke had still kissed her. She still cared. Lexa looked up again, studying once more the blonde's pale face, noticing her furrowed eyebrows. She followed Clarke's stare to the dark patch in the middle of the cave's floor. It wasn't a shadow, but the blood of her dead warrior.

"What will happen to him?" asked Clarke, curiosity getting the best of her.

"They have placed him in another cave, it's not too far from here. Tomorrow we will take him to the nearest village."

Clarke looked up at Lexa, whose weary eyes remained fixed on the blood, but they were distant. Clarke knew she wasn't seeing the cave's floor at all. "There's a village near here?"

"Yes," came Lexa's reply. She had spoken the word sharply, but when a moment later her eyes turned to Clarke's, Clarke knew her tone hadn't been sharp with anger.

"Will the village not have been ruined by that beast?" Clarke asked as she looked away from Lexa, suddenly aware of the girl's intense stare.

"I hope not, it was the beast who ran from us. I doubt it survived long - it took the brunt of three warrior's poisoned swords."

At Lexa's words, Clarke felt her pulse rate quicken. She knew how well the poison on a small dagger would hurt a human, had seen with her own eyes how close it had brought Finn to death.

Though, of course, Finn had not died of the poison.

He had died by Clarke's own hands.

And the beast was _not_ Finn.

Clarke swallowed harshly – _when Lexa saw the ravaged village, had she thought of Finn's victims? _They too, were undoubtedly innocent. Even the beast in some small way had only done what it knew to do.

Finn had no excuse.

Maybe he was the real beast.

Clarke shuddered, shaking the thought from her head. She was still tired, and the growing shadows in the cave were only helping her brain pull from the darker sides of her memory. Together the girls sat, Lexa with her own quiet thoughts, both leaders looking out to the cave before them – two blood-soaked arrows aiming for the same faded target.

"What about his family?" asked Clarke, nodding absently to the empty space where the warrior had died.

"His family?" Lexa replied.

"His family. Will they not want to say goodbye? You know… with his body?"

There was a pause. Hesitation. "He came from a village that was burned down by the rockets you sent into the sky," said Lexa, wincing. She turned her heard to avoid looking at the girl; that fragile truce was getting more fragile by the minute.

Clarke laughed, causing Lexa to turn in confusion, something she immediately regretted. The blonde was shaking her head, her eyes cold and piercing. "I did what you would have done" she said bitterly. Clarke watched Lexa's jaw clench, revelling momentarily in the guilt that wrecked the brunette's features. The air between them grew heavy again, fuelled with the suspense of the not yet spoken. The time bomb ticked louder still.

"Heda?" came the voice which had first greeted Clarke some hours ago, followed quickly by the Grounder himself as he walked into the cave. In his arms, the remnants of what must have been a small tree, so high was the pile of firewood that his face was partially hidden beneath it. His entrance defused the tension that had been whipping like electricity between the two girls. Clarke suddenly felt foolish for using Lexa's words against her, _it was childish_. Worse, it had showed how deeply Lexa's betrayal had hurt. Lexa felt cold. Forget unpleasant – the waiting conversation would be torturous.

The Grounder put the wood on the cave floor, looking up briefly for his Commander's approval before beginning to arrange the wood into a formation that would burn better. Behind him came the other Grounder, the one who had carried the body out of the cave; now he carried what appeared to be a large but very dead bird. He had cleaned his face, Lexa noticed, it no longer bore the blood of the fallen. Lexa appreciated that.

In the distraction that the Grounder's return caused, Clarke stood up and exited the cave. The air outside was cold, and stung the exposed skin of her face almost as much as her breath stung her lungs and the tears stung her eyes. They fell freely, uncontrollably, and Clarke did not move to wipe them; Lexa would not, _could not _follow her. The girl's desperate grip on her arm as she helped lower her to the floor told her that much. Now, Clarke looked up at the evening sky. It was dark, heavy clouds were hiding the sea of stars that Clarke had once called home. _Home_¸ she scoffed, _a cell within a cage could hardly be called a home. _She was glad she couldn't see the stars, they would only remind her of how far from having a home she actually was.

Briefly, Clarke considered running. Between the darkness and the cover of the forest trees, if – and that was a big _if - _Lexa ordered her warriors to track her, they wouldn't have any success until the sun rose the following morning. By then, Clarke would be far gone, lost further into the confusion of the forest. Perhaps the beast would find her – _that would be a fitting ending. _

Somewhat horrified by the morbid path her thoughts had taken, Clarke forced herself to leave the shadows and move back into the cave again. Now, the paintings in the passage were illuminated by the fire's warm glow, and Clarke could see they weren't symbols at all. They were words, faded and abandoned with time. She stood for a moment, reading them, and thinking of the writer who would have stood in the very same place all those years ago. Certainly Grounders could not have written them, there was an age and a wisdom to them that Clarke knew dated back to the times before the war which had supposedly ended the world. She traced the letters like she had traced the bruises on Lexa's back and drew in a shaky breath.

The Grounders approached her then, nodding to her as they passed through. They wore heavy furs now, probably rescued from the horses. The furs would keep them warm during the night. Clarke watched them leave, then turned to walk into the cave herself.

The fire burned with a welcome heat, the smoke leaving the cave through the opening in the roof. Flames, like trees, still captivated Clarke. Where trees released oxygen, fire stole it, and on the Ark where oxygen was not a thing to be wasted, fire was feared. On Earth, however, Clarke could allow herself the simple pleasure of watching the flames twist and dance, casting shadows which moved against the walls of the cave to the same luxurious rhythm. She knew the risks of fire; it was one of the first things you learnt on the Ark, and Clarke had seen the devastating destruction it could cause with her own eyes. Indeed she was still fearful of fire, but it was a measured fear that allowed her to see the destruction for what it truly was – a twisted beauty. Fire reminded Clarke of Lexa in the same twisted way. It was breath-taking from afar, but the closer you got the more you got burnt. She thought back to Mount Weather. _Yes, she had definitely got burnt. _

Lexa, as Clarke had expected, hadn't moved. Clarke found herself surprised at the concern that brought. Clearly Lexa, who Clarke had never known to stay still for long, was not doing too well. Confusion washed over Clarke again, and if she was being honest it hadn't truly left, but it did push her further into the space of the cave.

"Hey," Clarke said softly, and Lexa looked up. In the light of the fire her tanned skin looked even more tanned, and Clarke could see that Lexa had removed the dirt from her face. Dark circles shadowed the girl's eyes.

Lexa watched the blonde walk, watched as she sat next to her, and watched as she picked at the laces of her boots. "Hi," she replied. Her voice was rough and quiet. She watched Clarke breathe. "I didn't send them out," Lexa continued, referring to the Grounders who stood outside in the night. "They just didn't want to stay in here." The 'here' referred to the place where the warrior had died, and at her words Lexa saw the tension leave Clarke's rounded shoulders. The Grounders' departure had clearly left her concerned.

Their truce was still tender, still fragile, but fatigue was winning and whatever fight had nearly begun earlier seemed to have melted in the heat of the flames. Clarke rested her elbows on her knees, turned to face Lexa, and then placed her chin upon her hands.

"Lexa, may I ask you something?" Lexa, Clarke knew, was in no position to refuse. Even before helping her with her wounds, there was that whole thing with Mount Weather, which was too big a topic for so late an hour and they both knew it. Anyway, Clarke had always been able to see the sides of Lexa that the Commander usually kept guarded. Perhaps the same would apply here.

Clarke waited for Lexa's response. It came in form of narrowed eyes and a nod of her head. Dark hair fell across her shoulders, completely free now from the braids. It was beautiful.

"When you guard was speaking, what was he saying?" Clarke continued. She had recognised some of it, notably the Trigedasleng for 'your fight is over'- the Grounders' words for dying warriors, she had said it enough times herself. Most of it though had gone over her head, and left her with an uneasy feeling that she had been intruding.

"In times of war too many people die for us to give the full blessing," Lexa began mechanically. "If we spoke it every time someone gave their life then we would never stop speaking." Lexa looked now into the fire in front of them. "Not everyone uses the blessing anymore. Some villages swear by it," Lexa trailed off slowly as the shadows danced across her face. Then she pushed herself upwards, reaching out for something near to the fire.

Clarke, whose eyes had been trained on the girl's face, itched to help her – Lexa's slow movements revealed the pain the girl had tried to conceal. Instead she just watched, restrained by the invisible, undetermined boundaries of the time bomb. Still, Lexa gestured, now smiling gently in a way that warmed Clarke's bones, to the thing in her hand. It was a skewer loaded with the meat of the bird that the Grounder had carried in.

"But Clarke, that's not important. You should eat."


	3. Only the Dead

Oh look another chapter! Slightly shorter than the other ones, but I should be putting the fourth up soon so keep an eye out for that. Tell me what you think :)

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"_In any book I'll ever read_

_you'll be the line that sticks out to me"_

_Toes (acoustic) – Lights. _

The next morning the girls woke up to the gentle wash of light that was flooding the cave. They had slept side by side, covered by Clarke's unzipped sleeping bag and warmed by the dying flames of the fire. Now, there was nothing but a pile of ashes and the stubborn smell of smoke. It made Clarke's eyes water. Lexa didn't notice it at all. They moved around the cage without saying a word, _it was easier that way_. The time bomb still ticked.

Surveying the space before her, and admittedly Lexa (but only for a second), Clarke picked up her beg and went to leave when she felt a hand reach out to hers. It was the first time their skin had properly touched since Clarke had helped Lexa redress - they had mostly avoided contact with awkward dodges and sympathetic smiles – and it sent a shiver down Clarke's spine. She pulled back in shock.

Lexa noticed Clarke's discomfort. "Sorry," she said, pulling her hand sharply to her side. She looked down at the blonde with cautious eyes.

"What do you want, Lexa?" asked Clarke, raising her eyebrows.

"You know how to read." Lexa observed. Clarke didn't respond. "What do the words say? The ones on the wall?"

Clarke glanced to the passage and the words that were painted there. "It's a quote about war. Plato." She didn't know much about Plato, but had definitely heard the quote before. She had spent part of the night wondering why it was on the wall at all. Lexa, who stood watching Clarke with the same inquisitive look on her face, clearly didn't know who Plato was. _Bellamy would know_, thought Clarke.

She moved out of the cave without explaining, knowing that Lexa would follow. It was only in the full light of the coming day, surrounded by the forest and the Commander's loyal guards did she continue. "Only the dead have seen the end of the war." Then Clarke watched Lexa glance to the entrance behind her, contemplating the words. Her face was stern, and in the open air Clarke could see how pale she had become overnight – her wounds were still paining her.

"That's a pleasant thought," mused Lexa as she went to greet her warriors. Clarke was shocked at the brief smile that crossed the brunette's features, but didn't say anything. The Commander's humour, Clarke realised, was not shown often. And it was a dark humour. _Made sense really, with the life that girl had. _

Following Lexa, Clarke walked over to the Grounders. For a moment, she was confused. At the Guards' feet lay a small pile of furs. _The dead warrior, _Clarke figured, _they must have retrieved him before they'd woken up. _

Clarke looked up, feeling Lexa's stare burrowing into her face. "Are you ready for the village, Clarke?" the girl asked. Clarke nodded. "Good. We shall leave." Now the jovial tone had completely vacated the brunette's voice, replaced with a reserved sincerity that Clarke couldn't quite read. The confusion came back as they set off.

Their walk through the forest was, for the most part, in silence. The Grounders strode in front of the girls, keeping a slow but steady pace. This left the two leaders to walk behind, and Clarke wondered if it was by coincidence that the guards were ahead, or if it was the result of some non-verbalised agreement out of respect for their Commander. Lexa walked with a limp, the muscles of her back having grown even stiffer during her sleep.

They walked together like they had as they made their way to Mount Weather – just minutes after their first kiss. Then, they had been surrounded by bloodthirsty warriors and the anticipation of a battle, but now there were trees and a sense of uncertainty which had settled itself deep into Clarke's spine.

"You don't have to come with us if you don't want to Clarke," Lexa spoke at some point during the third hour of walking. The same clouds Clarke had seen the night before still sat in the sky. They looked like rain.

"Where else would I go Lexa?" and with that Clarke looked adamantly forward, avoiding the girl's concerned eyes. They went back to silence, both hearts ticking louder in each chest.

The village, it seemed, was not a village at all - at least not in size. When they arrived it reminded Clarke of the towns she had read about in books, with its busy streets and busy people. It probably span for several miles.

"The villages get bigger as you near Polis," explained the Grounder who carried the body – he had seen her scan the sights before with wide eyes. Clarke didn't know any of their names. Lexa moved to walked ahead but stayed silent.

The streets weren't actually streets either, but the roads of the village were lined with houses and huts made from mud and wood that had been bound together like rope. Everyone they passed looked up, and excited whispers followed the group as they moved through the village. Soon a small crowd walked behind them, "Heda!" and "Sky Princess" echoing in hushed tones. It made Clarke's ears burn, but she – as the crowd followed her – followed Lexa. She still hadn't said anything, and it made Clarke feel even more confused than before.

Suddenly Lexa came to a stop. They had reached a small clearing, which Clarke could only assume was the village centre, the place for meetings and village parties. She looked at Lexa for an explanation, but was answered only with the side of the brunette's face. Lexa was staring at a woman who stood before them.

The woman had piercings on her face and in her ears, and her tanned skin was covered in tattoos, but her hair was greying and her stance was hunched. Clarke looked between Lexa and the woman, waiting, and watching. It couldn't have been a minute, but Clarke recognised the tension that ran through Lexa's muscles and wondered if she was about to witness a fight. _Age, _she knew_, did not affect the Grounders, they were warriors until the day they died. _Still, neither moved, eyes locked in steady stares. Slowly, the woman took a step forward, and then another until she was stood before the Commander. Neither broke eye contact. Clarke watched on.

To the sound of cheers and applause, Lexa threw her arms around the woman in a tight hug that was immediately returned. Over Lexa's shoulder, Clarke could see the woman's wide smile, and the tear that fell from her closed eyes. Clearly, they knew each other well.

The woman pulled back, rubbing tenderly at Lexa's shoulders before turning to address the crowd that had gathered in the clearing. It was no longer small, as if half of the village had turned up to investigate the Commander's arrival. The woman spoke words that Clarke couldn't understand, and she could only watch as some men walked out of the crowd and up to the guard, taking the body from his arms with a respectful nod. Lexa was speaking to the woman now. Again, that unpleasant feeling of being an intruder filled Clarke's veins, so she wrapped her arms around her waist and dipped her head towards the ground; she didn't want anybody to see her face.

That was how she first knew it was raining. The drops fell onto the ground and turned the loose dirt dark as they grew heavier. She hadn't felt them on her body. In fact, she just felt empty, the numbness which had started when she told Bellamy she had to leave was back. She pushed at the dirt with her foot, watching it colour the leather as the rain fell harder.

"Come on, Clarke," muttered Lexa, having moved to the girl. She placed a hand between Clarke's shoulder blades and nudged Clarke softly forward. Clarke let herself be moved and led through the clearing. It was emptying anyway now the rain was falling and Clarke had nothing to say. Lexa's hand felt warm on her back, like fire.

Lexa took them further into the village, down roads they hadn't walked through on their way in. _Less people came here_, Clarke noticed, _the homes were further apart. _It gave Clarke the feeling that this side of the village wasn't as lived in but she walked with Lexa nonetheless - after all, _where else would she go?_

They came to a stop after several minutes of walking where the huts truly were far apart. Clarke thought they looked abandoned – nobody else was around to suggest any different. She looked up at Lexa to see the girl was already watching her with patient eyes. Her gaze made Clarke feel small.

Lexa dropped her hand from Clarke's back, grasping her wrist instead, and pushed through the door of the hut they had stood in front. Inside it was dark and it smelled like dust but it was out of the rain and the cold it had brought with it. Clarke shook herself free of Lexa's grip and looked around the room.

From the outside, it hadn't looked large, but Clarke could now see it was as big, if not bigger than the Commander's tent back in Ton Dc. Once the initial dust had cleared, she could even smell the underlying tones of the ever present Earth – so, _so _different from the bitterly metallic taste that she'd been brought up with on the Ark. On the walls of the hut there were torches, and Clarke's eyes followed Lexa as she lit them – the girl moved with determination and confidence despite her injuries; she'd clearly been here before.

"This is where we'll stay until the rain stops," said Lexa, turning now to face Clarke and brushing the dirt off her hands onto her trousers. In lighting the torches she had walked away from Clarke, and the space between them was once again charged with the unspoken. In the confines of the hut it buzzed as steadily as the rain fell outside, it hummed and it ticked and ticked some more. "Don't worry, Clarke," Lexa spoke on, regarding the blonde through eyes half-closed with tiredness. "It should not rain for long."

The two girls remained still, trapped by each other's stare. To break eye contact now would be to stand down, and Clarke, frankly, was having none of it. So she watched as Lexa lowered her gaze to floor, watched as Lexa's shoulders dropped, and watched as the girl lowered herself gingerly to sit on the bed behind her – Clarke hadn't noticed it when she first scanned the room. Now, the mighty Commander of the Grounders sat with slumped shoulders, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. Her face was hidden.

Clarke still didn't move. "Where are we, Lexa?" she asked, but Lexa didn't respond. "Where are we?" Clarke spoke again, louder this time. The underlying tension of everything that had happened whipped through the space between them.

"We're in the village Clarke," replied Lexa to her hands. Clarke could see them shaking slightly, the muscles in the girl's arms were clenched.

"Where are we?" repeated Clarke, harsher and demanding. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined she would ever speak to the Commander in such a tone. She thought back to earlier times when she had only just met the girl, when Lexa was sat in her throne in the war tent, scrutinising the blade in her hand and spinning it with a threatening precision. Then she had looked as strong as any warrior Clarke had ever seen. Today she was weakness embodied.

"We are in the village," Lexa said, glancing up at Clarke with sad eyes before turning to look at the furs of the bed. Her hands were clasped together now, clenched and rigid. Her voice was quiet as she continued. "We are in the village where I grew up. This is my home, Clarke."


	4. Until the Snow Covers Me Up

That alarm you hear is the angst alarm, be prepared.

Also, having thought a bit about how Clarke and Lexa may be feeling towards each other (sort of a requirement if you're writing a fan fiction) I found that Landfill by Daughter one hundred percent sums up what's going on between them - at least in this fic. Sorry it's a shortie, but it's a lot of dialogue for a writer who hates writing dialogue.

ALSO ALSO anybody who is up for helping me bounce off ideas for this fic is more than welcome (_please please please) _to find me on tumblr: thesewildfiresgrow because other wise this story is ending pretty soon, do with that knowledge what you will. Plus I like making new friends, makes me feel fuzzy.

Next update will be Friday afternoon/evening GMT.

Ta for reading

p.s. I don't know, maybe the woman is Lexa's mum, maybe she isn't... she definitely makes a reappearance later though, and she does know more about Lexa than anybody else does, just fyi

* * *

"_Leave me on the tracks  
to wait until the morning train arrives  
Don't you dare look back  
walk away  
catch up with the sunrise"_

_Landfill – Daughter_

Tick, went the time bomb.

Tick, tick, tick, as steady as the battle drums the hundred had heard when the Grounders attacked the drop ship. Clarke looked at Lexa, watching the girl fidget under her intense stare.

"This place, is it yours?" asked Clarke, looking at the space around her with more care. There was nothing except the bed and some furniture to suggest it had ever been lived in.

"Yes." Lexa answered, body still tense.

Clarke sighed, pressing her lips together tightly and shaking her head slowly. She leant back against the door and squeezed her eyes shut. "Why did you do it, Lexa?" she asked. She wasn't talking about the hut any more.

"To save the lives of my people," came Lexa's solemn reply. Clarke's eyes remained shut. "Clarke…"

"Please don't say you're sorry if you're not." Clarke bit her lip. "Because I can survive falling to Earth in a ship set to fall apart, and I can survive your best warriors' attacks, but I can't survive any more of your lies."

"You've already survived, Clarke."

"Yes, and what for?" Clarke fumed. She opened her eyes to see Lexa watching her. "If this is what I survived for then I'm not sure it was worth it."

"I _am _sorry."

"And I…" Clarke let out a shaky breath. "I am tired."

Several moments passed in bitter silence.

"Those aren't the words of a leader, Clarke."

"I don't want to be a leader, Lexa, you know that already. Unless you don't care." Clarke's words passed slowly through the space, but their impact on the Commander was clear to see on her face. Her lips parted in a grimace and her eyes widened slightly.

"Say what you like about me, but I never stopped caring," Lexa said softly. Clarke had seen her at her strongest, when her words were alight with the fuel of anger. Now she spoke with the dying embers of forgotten flames. "I never chose to be the Commander."

"I know you didn't choose to be the Commander, that soul chose you," said Clarke, laughing coldly at the Grounders' belief that souls meant anything. Clarke had seen enough cruelness to lose faith in reincarnation. More to the point, she hoped that when she died she wouldn't have to suffer another life of hardly surviving. "Regardless, _you_ chose to walk away, Lexa."

"That wasn't an easy decision. You must understand that we've been in this war our whole lives."

"I do understand, honestly. I understand what it's like to face death, and I understand what it's like to make sacrifices." Clarke paused. "How much do you know about my people, Lexa?"

The girl thought for a moment. "Not much," she admitted. "You fell from the sky."

"I was sacrificed. Our leaders, our _commanders_, sacrificed one hundred kids so that the people on the Ark would survive." Clarke spoke steadily. "My dad sacrificed his life in an attempt to save people, and I was sacrificed for the same reason." She looked away from Lexa then, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "We were told that on Earth all our crimes would be forgiven. That we would no longer be punished. We didn't think that people still lived here, Lexa, we thought we came here to die. And I never, not even for one second, thought that we'd be sacrificed when we did nothing but help you."

"Your people killed hundreds of my people."

"My people barely survived your people's attacks." She paused for a brief second. "How many people are in your army, Lexa?"

The Commander didn't reply.

"Not a lot of my people have survived. Most of the people in the Ark died as it entered the atmosphere- you know, the night your people attacked us for the first time. The majority of the hundred first sent down here, my friends, are dead. And I'm not blaming you Lexa, but you have thousands in your armies alone, and my people are four hundred at most, and when you left forty of them to die in Mount Weather it hit us harder than you could ever understand."

"My heart had no place in that decision, you know that Clarke. I would have chosen differently."

Clarke's head whipped up at Lexa's words. "You want to talk about hearts, Lexa?" Clarke stalked forward, crossing the space of the hut in quick angry strides. Now she stood directly before the Commander who was still sat on the bed. Clarke looked angrily down at her. "Because I know a thing or two about broken hearts," Clarke thought back to Finn who had lied to her about Raven. She thought of the Finn that she couldn't recognise. "When you demanded the death of the boy I loved, my heart broke."

"Blood demands blood," Lexa whispered. Clarke's eyes burned daggers into hers. "His death was merciful compared to what he deserved. To what my people deserved."

"Merciful?" asked Clarke, raising her eyebrows, she continued on coldly. "My heart broke again when I put the knife in his stomach." Clarke waited there, willing Lexa to challenge her, to say anything that gave her a reason to stop. Their bodies were separated by mere inches, but the inches burned with an electric anger. Outside, the rain was falling heavily – it was a raging storm not. "At least when I stabbed him," Clarke continued, wincing slightly at the memories her own words evoked, "I only stabbed him in the front." She hissed the words now. "Because my heart broke again when you stabbed me in the back."

"Clarke," Lexa started, but Clarke held out her hand to make her stop, walking back to the wall beside the door as she tried to get as much space between them as possible in the hut. Lexa sat precariously upright on the edge of the bed but Clarke couldn't see if the girl's pain was from her words or the wounds on the girl's back.

Suddenly, everything was too much and Clarke's chest heaved with the weight of it all. Her small body pushed against the wall of the hut, for her father, for Wells, for Tris, for her friends that she had failed to save. And Lexa sat still on the bed, a constant reminder of the mistakes she had made.

"Do you know what they did to traitors on the Ark? To the people who were considered a risk?" Clarke said quietly. She had regained some composure, but it was too late – Lexa had seen her at her weakest. It made Clarke feel sick. "They floated them." Lexa watched Clarke. "They left their bodies to float through space until the end of time. Years ago, they used to inject them so that they could die peacefully." Clarke drew in a breath, she could remember her mother talking to her father after the Council meeting. "But then medical supplies got low and the Council elected to waste no more on people who were going to die anyway so they ejected them whilst they were still alive." Clarke paused again. "The same would have happened to me eventually, if I had ever gone to trial."

"Why are you telling me this, Clarke?"

"Why did you kiss me if I was going to die anyway?"

"You were never going to die, Clarke."

"You didn't know that." Lexa dropped her head in shame. "Lexa, if I had been ready, what would you have done?"

Silence, then Lexa looked up at Clarke. Her eyes were empty, just echoes of emotion that made Clarke's heart sink. "I would have done the same thing. I would have saved my people."

Clarke nodded her head, she had known the answer before she had even asked the question. A small part of her had still hoped to be wrong though. She moved to the door, pressing a hand against the dark wood. "I need to know one more thing Lexa. If I go outside, will your people kill me?"

"My people aren't your enemy, Clarke." Lexa stood up and limped across the space to stand behind the shorter girl. The blonde didn't turn around to face her. "_I'm_ not your enemy."

When Clarke looked over her shoulder, her blue eyes made Lexa's veins go cold. "How am I supposed to believe that, Lexa?"

"Clarke," Lexa breathed as Clarke pushed the door open. The Commander sighed in defeat. "Will you come back?"

"I don't know," said Clarke as she walked out of the hut, leaving Lexa to stand in front of the door which had once made her feel independent. Now she felt alone in the village she called home.

She had been right, that conversation was torturous.


	5. Fault Lines

:)

* * *

"_I am desperate  
__if nothing else  
__in a holding pattern  
__to find myself._

_I talk in circles  
I talk in circles  
I watch for signals  
for a clue._

_How to feel different.  
How to feel new.  
Like science fiction  
Bending truth."_

_Mercury – Sleeping At Last_

Clarke was shaking and it wasn't from the rain – because at some point between the storm which had raged during their 'conversation' and Clarke's departure, that rain had stopped. The ground was still wet of course, and the freshness of the rainfall (something which normally would have definitely amazed Clarke) still hung in the air and tingled on her skin, but that wasn't why she was shaking either. In fact, Clarke didn't quite know why she was shaking; she'd have understood anger, or even sadness, but neither of those really seemed applicable at that moment. So she put her shaking down to adrenaline and kept doing what she'd been doing a lot of recently – walking aimlessly through places she didn't know. _Nothing like strange places to kill time,_ thought Clarke.

She was also lost, which again didn't surprise her. This time though, she had actually tried to pay attention to where she was going, if only so she knew how to stay away from Lexa's house if needs be. She walked and walked on unsteady knees down streets that she was beginning to recognise – she'd gone round in several large circles, Clarke realised. It was a wonder she wasn't dizzy. Yet on she walked under the late afternoon sky. She didn't really have anything else to do.

Thinking back on the conversation she'd just had with Lexa, nothing had really changed. Indeed, she had already known why Lexa had made that decision, and the confusion was only about how she felt towards Lexa regardless of _said_ decision. Now, with the absence of the time bomb – _with an explosion that had existed solely of a rather disappointing door slam _– the confusion had more space to fill in her chest. If anything, it made Clarke feel dizzier than the walking around in pointless circles did.

It scared Clarke, because the confusion meant it hadn't all just been an extremely awful dream. Furthermore, the confusion reminded Clarke that not only had she already known why Lexa had left her to fend for herself at Mount Weather, but also that she could actually understand the logic behind it. _Not_ that that meant the decision was entirely justified, but on some instinctual – Clarke thought back to the dying warrior's screams and how they had echoed helplessly around the cave – _primal_ level, it did make sense. Lexa had just done what she'd needed to do, in the same way walking was what Clarke needed to do.

It was probably the almost eighteen years on the Ark where walking existed only in circuits of the deck that made Clarke love walking so much. There was also the seemingly endless months spent in the prison cell waiting to find out if she would be floated as well, but Clarke didn't linger on those memories for too long. _Yes, _Clarke thought, _she was allowed to love walking. _

What Clarke hadn't loved, however, was walking around on ice around Lexa, because that had been what she was doing ever since she'd found the girl wounded in that cave. It had been taxing, and tiring, and frankly quite infuriating to hold so much built up anger but to still respect the girl enough to wait for a more respectable time. _And there's that confusion again, _because after everything, Clarke did respect Lexa – however much she didn't want to. _That had been risky_, Clarke knew, _because in ignoring her betrayal for so long they had built a bridge out of glass. And it had been so, so pretty, but once it fell they were left with nothing but the shattered remains. _Clarke's head hurt, and she was still shaking.

"Are you lost, child?" came a voice from behind her. Clarke thought for a second. Physically?_ Yes. _Metaphorically? _Definitely, _but whoever had spoken didn't need to know that. "Of course you're not lost," the voice continued, Clarke stopped walking. "To be lost you need to have somewhere to be in the first place." _That, _thought Clarke, _was a fair point. _She turned around to source the voice.

It was that woman again, the one with the tattoos and the grey hair. The one who Lexa had hugged, _not that that was important, _Clarke tried to tell herself. Her presence made Clarke realise how few people she had seen on her walk, even though she had easily been out for at least half an hour. The roads were deserted, except for Clarke and this one woman who had greeted Lexa like an old friend.

The woman noticed Clarke looking around her. "The people in this village are spiritual people." If Clarke had been alone then she would have rolled her eyes. "They're preparing for the funeral."

Clarke nodded, in all that had happened since she had arrived at the village, she had forgotten about the real reason she was there in the first place.

"You did an honourable thing, helping him die," said the woman, watching Clarke with knowing eyes.

Clarke raised her chin. "Nobody else was going to do it. I didn't enjoy it."

"Yes, our Lexa never really does well outside of the battle." The woman replied.

Clarke eyed the woman carefully. "I guess doing well," Clarke huffed. "Depends on what side of the battle you are on."

"That is one of the hardest lessons to learn, child." The woman waited for a second. "My name is Marie."

Clarke hesitated, trying, and failing to guess the woman's intentions. "Clarke," she responded.

"Oh yes," Marie grinned. She was missing some teeth. "The famous Sky Princess."

Clarke sighed and looked away from the woman.

"My grandparents went up to the sky," Marie stated.

"Any Grounders died years ago" said Clarke, shaking her head in confusion. "I'm sorry."

"No child, I wasn't asking after them," replied the woman, chuckling. "I was just saying. I'm curious though, Sky Princess, how was the sky?"

"Shit," said Clarke bluntly.

Marie's chuckle turned to laughter, and her eyes twinkled as Clarke looked at her. "I can see why our Lexa likes you, you're refreshing."

Clarke snorted. Water was refreshing. Oxygen was refreshing. Clarke was tired. "Well if you don't mind," she said, gesturing over her shoulder. "I'm going to carry on walking."

"Oh Clarke, I don't mind at all. You're welcome to go anywhere you want in this village."

So Clarke nodded at the woman and went to continue her journey.

"But if you want…"

Clarke stopped.

"I can take you to the places where our Lexa spent her childhood?"

And Clarke, who didn't really have anything else to do, turned around. The woman blinked slowly.

"Very well, Sky Princess," said Marie, and then walked past Clarke and down the road before them, leaving Clarke with no choice but to follow. "You've already been to her house," said the woman with a smirk that was too knowing for her old age. Especially when nothing had happened. "But this is where her father used to work." They had stopped at an open ended building. Clark could see some worktops, and a furnace. Lexa's father had been a blacksmith.

"What happened to him?" Clarke asked, her eyes never leaving the workshop. She could see the scars of the flames' heat on the furnace.

"That is something you'll have to ask Lexa. That's for her to tell you." said Marie quietly before perking up again. "This is where she learnt how to forge weapons herself." Marie looked up at Clarke, her words humming with pride.

The two set off again in a silence that was almost companionable. They made an odd couple: Marie with grey hair who was stooped with age, and Clarke who walked tall, blonde hair as vibrant as the Grounders had heard in their legends.

"This…" they had arrived at a small fenced clearing, lined with targets and discarded shields. "…is where she learnt to fight, when she was first chosen." Marie regarded Clarke with thoughtful eyes. "But I suppose you don't want to hear too much about Lexa the Commander."

Clarke held Marie's gaze. "Is there much else to her?"

The woman laughed lightly. "Sometimes I'm afraid not, but in times of battle she is one of the best Commanders my people have ever seen. She's young too."

"I thought all your warriors are young."

Marie raised her eyebrows. "And what am I, Sky Princess? You think we retire?" she joked. "No, our Lexa was forced to grow up before she became Commander." The woman reflected on something, studying Clarke's face. "Much like you, I imagine."

Clarke lifted her head.

"That's what I thought." The woman was solemn now. "War is no place for children."

"Only the dead have seen the end of the war," Clarke said absently, remembering the quote.

Marie's eyes lit up. "You found the cave!"

"I thought your people couldn't read," said Clarke. The woman smiled softly.

"My parents taught me, but it is a dying skill."

"Like English," Clarke mused.

"What was that, child?"

"English. Not everybody knows how to speak it on the ground."

"There has been little need for it, we have our own tongue," Marie explained. "The warriors learnt it to be able to spy on the Mountain Men." She watched Clarke carefully again. "They are gone now, but perhaps with your Sky People it will be brought back again amongst the Wood Clan."

"Or we will learn your language."

"There is that, yes." Said Marie, nodding her had at Clarke's words. "But for not there is one more place for us to see. Let's move, it will be dark soon," and again, Clarke was left with no choice but to follow.

Marie led Clarke to a small grass field, where a tree stood proudly in the centre. From a branch hung a tyre, like Clarke had read about in Earth's children stories. It was surprisingly _normal. _

"This is where the young go." Marie said, looking at Clarke instead of the swing. "I take it Lexa has told you about Costia."

Clarke tore her eyes away from the swing, her mind suddenly overwhelmed with images of a younger, happy Lexa playing cheerfully with her first love.

Marie took in Clarke's reaction. "Then there is nothing else to say about this place."

Despite the woman's words, they both stayed there for a few minutes more. Now the sky was darkening, evening fast approaching. In the distance came a hum of voices and the sound of drums.

"Is that for the funeral?" Clarke asked, referring to the sounds of the now lively village. They were in complete contrast to the ghost town she had walked around earlier.

"Yes. Would you like to see it?"

Clarke sighed softly, nodding. "Yes please."

Marie smiled and Clarke could see her forehead wrinkle. "You're a good person, Clarke, that's what Lexa said to me. I think she's right."

Clarke was taken aback despite herself, but she swallowed her words and lowered her head. She was embarrassed. Marie chuckled again, and skipped off back into the village. She moved with a lightness that denied her age, but once again that wasn't why Clarke was confused. With a sigh she followed the woman.

Soon they were back at the clearing where Clarke had first laid eyes on Marie. _Some village party_, thought Clarke, _a funeral. _Men, women and children alike were crowding the space, surrounding the pile of wood and shawled body that lay in the centre. Clarke could see the drums, and in the air was a cheerful chatter that left Clarke feeling oddly warm. The last Grounder funeral she had been to was Finn's, and that day had been dark and quiet and sad. Today, Clarke found comfort in the celebratory atmosphere; admittedly it wasn't a party, _but it wasn't a tear fest either. _People were beginning to sing with soft smiles, and Clarke wondered if this village was just oddly excitable, or if the other funeral was only so mournful because of the manner in which the villagers had died. They hadn't been warriors, _they would have been just like the people here in Lexa's village. _

Suddenly the crowd went quiet and parted as their Commander entered the clearing and stood at the funeral pyre. Besides her, Clarke heard Marie gasp – Lexa was pale, and to anybody who looked closely it was clear she'd been crying. Clarke was grateful for the cheerful atmosphere, nobody could focus on the Commander for too long. The skies were dark now, but the clearing was lit by the full moon and the watching stars. Clarke's eyes never left Lexa's body.

"She can barely stand," whispered Clarke, as Lexa took in the crowd before her.

"Maikel and Terrin," started Marie, before noticing that Clarke had no idea who she was talking about. "The guards who you walked here with," the woman explained. "… Told me the creature attacked Lexa first. It's no wonder she can barely stand – the way they described it, it is a blessing she's even alive."

As one, the crowd cheered, startling Clarke; Lexa had been addressing them, and Clarke, who had been talking to Marie, had not heard a word. Still, as Lexa moved to take the torch that was burning nearby, Clarke could see the poorly hidden pain that haunted the Commander's movements.

Clarke watched as the girl – whose lips were set in a tight grimace - moved the torch in a sweeping arch through the night air. As she touched the flame to the funeral pyre, Lexa looked up, not into the growing smoke, but to the blue of Clarke's watching eyes.

_Yes, _thought Clarke, _a blessing indeed. _


	6. A Fleeting Flame

This took a different turn than even I expected it to, hmm. Thanks for all the love guys, I really appreciate it - all I can say is, in the words of the renowned philosophers ADTR, 'have faith in me'

Next update on Wednesday :)

* * *

"_Find a thread to pull,  
and we can watch it unravel"_

_Thread – Now Now. _

The flames were burning high when Marie placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder, nodded her head at the girl, and disappeared into the crowd of people that were filling the clearing. This left Clarke alone to watch the flames move in their twisted dance, just as she had watched the flames in the cave only the night before. For Clarke, it had been another long day of another long week and she still couldn't shift the weight of everything from her tired bones. Ironically, it was there amongst the people gathered to celebrate the warrior's life that Clarke had the most time to think. And she _did _think, standing in the same position she had been in when Marie left her, and her thoughts were solemn against the party that surrounded her.

"Clarke," came a familiar voice behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see Lexa standing a respectful distance away. "May I…" the brunette continued, gesturing to the ground beside Clarke.

"This is your village, Commander," said Clarke, staring at the flames of the funeral pyre. "Do as you please."

She heard rather than saw Lexa swallow, but from the corner of her eye she watched her lower herself to the ground. Clarke remained standing.

"I thought you'd be gone."

Clarke stayed quiet, because honestly, _so had she_, but there she was, talking civilly to the Commander, deep in the girl's home village. And having seen the village, and seen the people, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. The flames were too familiar, but they were also so foreign.

"I should be gone," said Clarke to the funeral pyre before her. Lexa waited patiently for her to continue. "Your village is huge."

Lexa nodded gently – Clarke almost didn't see the movement. "It has a lot of memories."

Clarke tore her eyes away from the pyre, and took in the girl beside her. Lexa was sat looking up at her, legs outstretched and hands placed on the ground behind her to steady herself. Clarke could see the tension running through her limbs, it was a familiar sight. _The Commander clearly wasn't comfortable. _

"This is your chance," said Clarke, sitting on the ground as Lexa was. The distance Clarke put between them was as clear a message as the cold tone to her voice. Lexa's eyes scanned her face. "Tell me something which won't make me hate you any more than I already do." There was a harsh truth to her words, and Lexa could recognise it.

Lexa dropped her eyes to the ground and dragged her fingers through the dirt to place her hands in her lap. Clarke could see they were balled into fists.

"There is nothing I can tell you," she said regretfully. Her body screamed uncertainty, and it made Clarke's blood boil.

The blonde clenched her jaw. "Then tell me about your father," she said bluntly. Lexa looked up, grey eyes wide. Clarke could see they were bloodshot from shed tears, but she didn't look away. "I've told you about mine."

Lexa sighed, shoulders dropping. "Marie told you about him."

"No," Clarke replied. "Marie showed me where he worked. She told me it was something I had to ask you."

Lexa looked up to the pyre, the flames throwing the shadows of her cheekbones into a darker contrast. "I was young," she started. "My parents were hunting in the forest near where the beast attacked us…" Lexa trailed off, but Clarke stayed quiet, waiting for the girl to continue. "We had heard rumours of monsters, reaping the villages. People were going missing, and my parents were going hunting," she bit her lip and shook her head. "We found my mother's body in a pool of blood. They took my father," she laughed humourlessly now. "He must have fought hard for them to leave her – those they don't catch alive they take for food."

"Reapers," said Clarke, watching Lexa.

"The very first." Lexa fell quiet and Clarke watched on. She thought to Lincoln explaining how the Reapers were created. _The fighters were the one who were chosen. _"I had hoped…" Lexa began, but cut her words short with a stifled sob. She squeezed her eyes shut and didn't say anything more for a couple of minutes, but Clarke didn't offer any input. Lexa spoke again with a steadier voice, holding her chin high, watching the flames with a cool gaze. "When he came to our village, I ordered his death." Her hand moved to her shoulder where Clarke knew the scars from each life taken in battle lay. "His funeral was the last time I stayed here."

"I'm sorry you have to live with that," said Clarke softly. Everything was still wrong, and the party continued around them, but still the two girls sat.

"It was a sacrifice which had to be made," said Lexa, looking to Clarke and holding her gaze. "There is no forgiveness for pure evil."

Both girls looked away from each other, Lexa to the flames, and Clarke to the people who danced and chatted cheerfully – they were oblivious. Despite the heat of the funeral pyre, Clarke felt cold. The moon was still visible, and the stars still watched the village. _The sky was inescapable, _thought Clarke, _like every other burden she had to bear. _She found Marie watching them from across the fire.

"Did she look after you?" Clarke asked, nodding to the woman's now retreating back.

"Marie? She brought me up. Trained me when the Commander's spirit chose me. In this village, she is the Chief." Clarke nodded, she had recognised the woman's authority. "It's the only place where I am not the Commander. I am just Lexa."

Clarke studied Lexa's features, taking in the girl's tired face and clenched fists. On some level, Clarke did understand the girl's reasoning behind avoiding the village, but she couldn't shake the sense of wrongness that sat deep in her spine. Lexa stayed quiet as Clarke thought. She thought of her mother, who had floated her father, and she thought of how despite her actions she did still love the woman. She thought of Raven who had found it in her heart to forgive her, even after all that went down. And she thought of Lexa, who had Marie and a place where she was welcome without judgement, but still chose to stay away. Maybe Clarke had walked away from her people,_ but Lexa ran. _

"You're a bit of a coward," she told Lexa after minutes of relative silence. The Commander flinched at the cold tone but didn't deny it, nor did she attempt to defend herself. Clarke stood up swiftly and started walking away.

"Clarke, wait!" Lexa called after her, standing up stiffly and reaching for the blonde's wrist.

Clarke whipped around, regarding Lexa with a glare that could freeze fire. She shrugged of Lexa's hand and breathed heavily through clenched teeth. "I don't know why I'm here," she said sharply.

"Clarke," Lexa replied, but the blonde cut her off before she could continue.

"What will happen to the Alliance?"

"My people never fought you, and we won't. They just followed my orders, there's no need for more deaths."

"More deaths?" Clarke exclaimed. She lowered her voice to prevent more people from turning around. "Are you going to tell me that their faces haunt you too? Because that would be just perfect." She spoke now in a bitter whisper that made the Commander shrink into herself before Clarke's eyes. "Believe me when I say this Commander, I do not want more deaths, but I no longer speak for my people and I will not be able to stop them if they decide to punish _your_ people for leaving us to take down Mount Weather all by ourselves."

It was a challenge again, and Clarke looked at Lexa with a stern face and burning eyes. The tick of the time bomb had been replaced by the haunting echo of a battle drum. Before the Commander could reply, a young boy walked up to them carrying bottles in his small hands. Clarke walked away to calm herself, leaving Lexa to deal with the boy on her own. A second later, Lexa had caught up with her.

Without thinking, Clarke pulled Lexa out of the clearing and down one of the abandoned streets. She moved fast, fuelled by the fire which was slowly burning away at the confusion, for when the smoke of the ticking unknown had cleared it gave way to a glaring truth; as much as she wanted everything to be okay, it wasn't, and Clarke wasn't sure it ever would be.

"There were too many people there, laughing and drinking," she explained to Lexa who stood watching. They had stopped in the shadows of a crossroad, and their breaths hung in the air around them. In the warmth of the fire Clarke had forgotten how cold Earth was getting.

"It is how we celebrate the living, Clarke. It is customary to drink at these things." Lexa's voice was quiet, almost pleading.

Clarke went to speak, but found that words failed her. She stared at Lexa, thinking back to Camp Jaha. _They certainly wouldn't be celebrating. _"My people are mourning, Lexa, and you are telling me that I should drink?" she asked, shaking her head in disgust. "I should be with them, not here." She moved away from Lexa, walking backwards slowly.

"Please stay," Lexa whispered.

"That sounds like weakness, Commander," replied Clarke coldly. Somewhere between watching the village and talking to Lexa she had made her decision. Lexa gulped, shaking her head. "If you truly care for me," she continued bitterly. "You won't stop from me from leaving."

And with that, Lexa could only watch as Clarke turned away from her and walked off into the night.


	7. Distractions

As always, any mistakes are my own, but the characters are not

* * *

_"I never meant to get us in this deep_  
_I never meant for this to mean a thing."_

_The One That Got Away - The Civil Wars_

Marie found Lexa an hour later, when the celebrations had ended and the village had gone to sleep. She recognised the slump in her shoulders and the empty look in her eyes, and gently unfolded the girl's crossed arms and wrapped her up in a tight hug. Lexa clung to her, silent tears falling onto the fabric of the woman's clothes.

"I should go after her," said Lexa absently into Marie's shoulder, but they both knew that wasn't going to happen.

"If you do that, child, she will never forgive you, and you will never forgive yourself," replied Marie.

Taking a deep breath, Lexa stood back and wiped at her eyes. "She won't forgive me anyway."

"Perhaps not, but she is alive and so are your people. What's done is done," stated the woman, rubbing her thumb softly across Lexa's face and watching the girl with concern. "Victory stands on the back of sacrifice." Lexa nodded, setting her shoulders and standing straighter. "You're in pain - I have some herbal remedies for your back. Come on, we'll go and get them."

They walked quietly through the roads of the sleeping village and into Marie's home without another word. Inside, Lexa sat on a chair and stared at her feet as Marie shifted through boxes. When she found the herbs she turned to Lexa.

The girl turned, lifting her shirt and allowing Marie to press the cream against the cut and the bruises that lined her spine, wincing at the gentle touch. "I think your ribs might be broken," the women admitted. Lexa could only nod, _she had expected no less_. Sighing, the woman readjusted Lexa's shirt and stepped back, wiping her hands on a piece of fabric she found on the table which sat in the corner of the room.

"I'm sorry," offered Lexa into the silence.

"I know," replied Marie.

"I would have come back,"

"I know," said Marie as she set the cloth back down. "We have missed you, Lexa."

Lexa nodded, accepting the underlying tone of scolding in the woman's voice. If Clarke had been there, she wouldn't have recognised the woman. Showing Clarke around the village, Marie had been almost cheerful, but in the privacy of her home with the girl she hadn't seen in almost ten years, the woman was slightly angry.

"The Ice Nation took Costia," Lexa admitted quietly.

"I know," said Marie softly. A messenger had told her of the Ice Nation's attack. "Her family stayed for the ceremony and I didn't stop them as they left. I don't know where they went to."

Lexa found herself staring at anything but Marie, totally unable to meet the woman's eyes. She wasn't over Costia, not by a long shot, and she knew that some part of her wouldn't ever truly be. The selfish side of Lexa had held onto that pain, and kept it deep within her until she had almost forgotten that she wasn't the only one to feel Costia's death. She bit her lip.

Marie moved towards the girl, knelt on the ground before her, and placed a hand on the girl's knee, forcing Lexa to look at her. "Look at you," she joked, "making an old women kneel on the ground. What a terrible Commander!"

Lexa gave a small smile at the woman's words, and placed her own hand over Marie's.

"I never chose this life for you Lexa, but this life chose you and you have to live with it." The woman was serious now. "And you're not," she continued, "going to live very long if you keep shutting everybody who could ever love you out."

"I never shut Clarke out," replied the girl. "I meant to."

"If the next words to leave your mouth are 'I should have', you can leave this village right away," said Marie lightly. Lexa knew the threat was empty, but recognised the warning tone of the woman's voice.

"Loving Costia had her stolen from me. I only wanted Clarke to be safe from our enemies."

"And then you became the enemy," Marie observed. Lexa nodded. "Regardless, her being here would do no good."

"I could have changed her mind."

"Lexa, the only one able to change her mind is her, and she was never yours to command. Why do you think she left her people in the first place? I doubt they didn't try to convince her to stay."

The girl shrugged; she had wanted to ask, _of course she had_¸ but it had never been her place to.

"You made a decision that any Commander would to win your people back, but there are no rules in the battles of the heart and the head. You of all people should know that."

"I don't want to know that," whispered Lexa sadly.

"But you do, child, and that's why you're still alive." Marie moved away from the girl, rubbing her shoulder as she stood up. "I assume you'll be leaving for Polis in the morning?"

"At first light," said Lexa, standing up herself.

Marie sighed, noticing the shadows that were beginning to fade as a whisper of light broke through the frame of the hut's door – the sun was fast approaching. "I shall get you and your guards a horse ready each."

Lexa pulled the woman into another tight hug. "Thank you," she said softly into the woman's greying hair.

"Just stay safe, child." Marie replied with an easy smile. Then she left to go to the stables and Lexa left to catch some sleep.

The journey to Polis took two days by horse, and by the time Lexa had arrived her body was screaming in pain. So she threw herself into the city, meeting dignitaries and attending parties and events as often as she hosted them. _To distract from the pain_, she often tried to convince herself. She wasn't entirely lying, but the pain wasn't from her back. Some days she let another's kiss distract her, other days she hunted until her hands were raw from throwing spears and spinning knives. Soon the bruise in her back disappeared, the ache in her ribs faded, and the cut healed to nothing but a faint scar. She could deal with scars, _they were nothing new._

The days were long, but as the Commander, Lexa found they were easily filled. The nights, on the other hand, seemed to stretch into an everlasting expanse of everything she would rather avoid. She had visitors to her bed, but they knew to leave quickly, and Lexa would wake to an empty bed with a sour mood. Despite the emptiness of the mornings, Lexa preferred these to the emptiness of the nights when she was alone, and left to her own thoughts. It was then where she thought of the Sky Princess, with her sad blue eyes that carved into her mind as sharp as any knife into her body had. As each day passed with no news, the Commander threw herself into training with the warriors and let the business of her city distract her from, well, everything. It was all she had ever known to do.

Two months after returning to Polis, and drunk on the gifts of another clan's visits, Lexa found herself bringing another woman to her bed. The woman was pretty, but Lexa didn't care for that, she cared for the distraction. So she kissed the woman's neck in a non-committed way, and pushed her onto the bed. She looked away as the woman undressed, instead choosing to pour them each a glass of water and taking a long sip from her own. Putting the glass down, she moved back to the bed.

"Heda!" came the panicked shout of her guard from outside of the room, and with a sigh she pushed herself off of the woman.

Suddenly, a figure burst through the door, and Lexa, still dressed, drew the dagger from the belt she always wore. In the darkness of the room she lunged for the intruder but quickly found herself backed against the wall of the room.

"You may be my Commander," growled the figure, pressing the dagger into the skin of the girl's neck, "but don't make the mistake of thinking you would beat me in a battle."

Lexa recognised the voice. "Indra, you wish to challenge me?"

"No Heda, I wish to inform you." Said the warrior, releasing her Commander and handing the dagger back. Lexa rolled her head on her neck, stretching. "And I advise that you dismiss your friend before I tell you the news."

The woman, to her credit, dismissed herself quietly as Lexa stood staring at Indra. "Gustus was killed for his actions, and yet you make me question your loyalty," warned the Commander coldly.

"You have heard all I had to say about our withdrawal from Mount Weather," said Indra, holding the Commander's icy glare. "My loyalty has not changed."

"Then why…" began Lexa, "…do I find you interrupting my night?"

Indra glanced to the bed and raised her eyebrows, then returned her attention to the Commander. "I have travelled for five days straight. In spite of what your guards think, this news could not wait until the morning, Heda."

Lexa stared at her warrior, neck still sore from the blade of the dagger. "Then you should say it, before I change my mind and have you tied to a tree for treason."

Indra didn't flinch, but her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed. "You're wanted in Ton DC."

"Why?" Lexa asked.

"The Sky People seek war."

The Commander and her warriors were on their horses by sun rise.


	8. Complications

We're well into the second part of the story now, but bear with, because I promise this is a Clarke x Lexa fic. To any one doubting that, let's just say it may be a rocky climb to forgiveness but nothing will beat the view.

* * *

_"Lonely, oh, no not me  
__I have a grave to dig, fast moving feet.  
__You gave me light  
__Where it once was gone._

_I made a bed,_  
_Where you don't belong."_

_Esmerelda - Ben Howard_

Everything was a blur for Lexa as she led her warriors to TonDC on the finest horses Polis could spare. The trees of her lands flew past her in streaks of greens and browns and they stopped only when the horses slowed at the end of each day. Lexa avoided the village this time, instead camping by the rivers and in the caves that the forests offered her. It allowed them to take a more direct route, and Lexa, thinking logically as per usual, opted to forgo the comforts that her rank would allow and chose to cover more ground each day. _Her people deserved peace, _she told herself. _The Sky People would see sense. _She needed to get back to TonDC.

With the exception of some clipped commands, their journey was quiet, as was Lexa's preferred way. She never had liked pointless conversation, generally words for the sake of words was pointless – especially when a dagger would do the job just as well. Despite this, the Commander allowed Indra – who was still not forgiven – to explain everything she had missed, listening quietly in her normal stoic way as her warrior spoke. The woman described how there had been a month of peace, where the Sky People had barely left the gates of their camp and kept to their own business, which had slowly given way to armed scouts hovering on the borders of Ton DC.

"They're finding out what is going on in the village," said Indra, climbing off of her horse as they came to a stop for the final night of their journey. They were less than a day away from TonDC and Lexa was restless. The girl nodded her head, _she too would send scouts if she was about to invade. _In fact, that is what she had done on the camp herself, the Skaikru had probably learnt it from them.

"Are the warriors prepared for war?" asked the Commander, smoothing her horse's mane with the knuckles of her gloved hand.

"They always are," replied Indra, dismissing the warriors around them with a pointed glance. They led their horses to a nearby river, leaving Indra to speak to her Commander alone. "You will need a new weapon," she observed, nodding knowingly at the sword which hung at the girl's hip.

Lexa pulled the sword from its sheath and balanced it in her hands. "You've betrayed me twice now, Indra," she said bluntly, watching the blade glint in the light of the sun. It was blinding. "You released Lincoln, which I could overlook. But a dagger to your Commander's throat?" Lexa ran her finger along the edge of the blade, judging its sharpness. "That's a bit harder to overlook."

"You would have killed me by now."

To that, Lexa nodded and sheathed her sword in one swift motion. She looked at Indra with narrowed eyes. "Let us hope that I need not draw that sword any time soon, or else I _will_ need a new weapon."

That which Lexa didn't say, Indra could read in her eyes. It was a cold look they shared, filled with warning. It said that Lexa had authority, and Indra was extremely close to seeing how far the limits of the Commander could be pushed. The woman bowed her head and reached for the reins of her horse.

"And Indra…" said Lexa as the woman began to walk her horse away. "I trust you and I always have."

"And I you, Heda."

"Then you better start showing it," ended Lexa, dismissing Indra and turning to her horse. She wasn't short, but the horse towered over her, and as Lexa stroked the charcoal coat she found herself feeling small.

Grounders considered their people adults at sixteen, and Lexa, fast-tracked to warrior status when the previous Commander's spirit had chosen her, had long since passed that age – not that age _actually_ mattered. Still, Lexa felt young, and thinking forward to the potential of a battle so soon after she had made such a difficult decision at Mount Weather, felt as if everything she had trained for wouldn't be enough. During her two months away, she had been somewhat happy, lost in the distractions she had busied herself with. But Polis had been ripped away from her like the removal of an arrowhead from the body, and the floating dream she had lived was fast fading to the beginning of a nightmare.

Somehow, ever since the Sky People had fallen from the sky, everything had become so complicated. Sure, the Mountain Men had been an issue – a big issue – but eventually it would have come down to a battle and Lexa strived in battle. Now, the battles were mixed with deals and mind games when all Lexa wanted to do was swing a sword.

Lexa sighed. _'You can't kill everyone you don't trust,' _Clarke had said, and now the Commander wondered if that was why she had allowed Indra to live – some echo of pleading words she hadn't been able to shake from her head. Clarke was wrong, love _was _weakness. It made you think, and it made you hope and it made you trust. Lexa laughed bitterly to herself, _if Clarke had not been so blinded then she would have been prepared to be abandoned at Mount Weather, _but the laughter was short-lived and made Lexa feel ashamed. She had exploited the Sky People, and lost the closest thing she'd found to love in a very long time by doing so. _If Clarke had loved her, she never would now. _Lexa did not sleep very well that night.

The warriors woke up to the grey skies of the next morning, but set off immediately for Ton DC. The last stretch of the journey took only five hours by horse, but even the best warriors were tired with the endless travelling. It made the hours drag, which in turn gave more time for the suspense to build and build it did. As they thundered through the forests, each with focused faces and cautious eyes, they sat increasingly upright on their horses. Determination escorted them through the last hour approaching the village, and upon arriving at the signs marking the boundaries of TonDC, Lexa didn't bother hiding her sigh of relief. _If the Skaikru had attacked them then, there would be no forgiveness whatsoever. _

TonDC was alive with the same buzz of energy it had been whilst preparing to take Mount Weather, but the people were calm and not frantic.

"They think you are here for the harvest, Heda. I ordered the warrior to keep the Skaikru's actions a secret before I left," Indra explained. Lexa nodded. That was good, panic_ was not. _

The horses moved slowly through the village, and the Commander smiled warmly at the children who waved as they rode past, but the second Lexa walked out of the public eye and into the privacy of her re-erected tent the smile was replaced by a calculating frown. The generals of the village had put the table back, the maps of the forests laid out grandly upon them. It was almost the same as before, when she had kissed Clarke.

The frown settled deeper onto her face. A war with the Skaikru was by no means desirable, but Lexa's armies had prepared well for it before. Now, the orders would be accompanied with the additional weight of knowing names and knowing faces. Even if Clarke didn't fight, Lexa would still hear the same _'what have you done'. _With that said, if Clarke did lead the battle - _which, _Lexa thought,_ would be understandable – _then the Commander would probably be the one to look with horrified eyes at the bloodshed of war. In spite of everything, Clarke had made the Commander weak, and now Lexa was being rightfully punished for it.

Her Generals met with her the very same evening with blank faces and blunt words. Despite the might of the Trigedakru, one of the strongest armies in the 12 nations, none of them wanted to fight. For many of the villages, those who had just been returned were still recovering from the crimes of the Mountain Men, and their families who had welcomed them back were in no mood to go back to war. The Sky People's sacrifice had been noted, and any girl powerful to take down the men who had shadowed fear over the villages for so long was not a girl to fight. _Clarke, _Lexa realised as the Generals described their experiences whilst she had been in Polis, _had won the respect of her people. It was a pity that had to be in such a torturous way. _

"Then we will not be the ones to declare war," stated Lexa, looking around at the gathered Generals. She was in her tent, hands gripping the arms of the throne she was sat in tightly. The Generals nodded their heads. "But tell your warriors to be ready," she commanded. "War is something we must be prepared for. Leave now."

Her Generals filed out of the tent and went to prepare their warriors.

"Indra."

"Yes, Heda?" said the woman, turning around before she left. Lexa hadn't moved from her throne.

"Order me a new sword."

Indra bowed her head with understanding and left the tent. Lexa was alone again with the expanse of the night stretching out before her. With a deep sigh, she got ready for bed.

It was dark when Lexa woke up the next morning, not that she had really slept very much. She had spent most of the night listening to the hum of a celebrating village, and armed with the 'I've spent the last five days travelling' she had allowed herself to stay in her tent. Really, she should have been there for the harvest festival that honoured the Earth for its produce and the sky for its rainfall, but she had stayed in her tent and chased sleep instead. She had thought of the sky though, and the clouds, but she had not been thanking the rain which fell from them.

She threw off the furs covering her body violently and stood up angrily. She kicked and punched at the bed's wooden frame, and flung the furs across the room, watching them fall onto the table where the maps were. They knocked over a jug of water that she kept there which fell to the floor, and Lexa, breathing heavily, strode over and threw that at the wall of the tent. She was fuming, she was tired, she was annoyed, she was anxious, and she was young. And she was alone. So, so alone.

The girl collapsed to the floor in a seething mess, rubbing roughly at the tears on her face. If the guards outside her tent had heard any of it, they didn't act to do anything about it. An hour later and Lexa had hardly moved. She was leant with her spine against the leg of the table, the muscles in her arms aching, her back throbbing, when Indra walked in. The woman took in the mess, the destroyed maps and the destroyed girl glaring up at her with cold eyes, and offered the Commander a hand up. Reluctantly, Lexa accepted it and brushed off her clothes.

Indra restored the tent as the girl regained herself.

"I do not need you judgement, Indra," said the Commander.

"There is nothing to judge Heda," replied the woman, shrugging indifferently. "It is too early to hunt beasts."

Lexa looked up and saw the understanding in the older woman's gaze, but looked away just as quickly. "If it is so early, then why are you here?"

Indra sighed and pulled a piece of paper from beneath the armour she wore. "The Watch found this in the forests, pinned to a tree with one of our spears," she said, passing it to her Commander.

Lexa unfolded the paper. "What is it?" she asked.

"I believe it is a message from the Skaikru. I'm unsure what it reads."

The Commander sighed, cursing the Sky People and their complications. Bracing herself she turned to Indra. "Search the village for anyone who can tell me what the message says," she ordered.

"Yes Heda" replied the woman.

"And then," continued the Commander, "search the forest for their scouts. If they came by foot they will not be back to their camp yet. I want them captured alive."


	9. A Promise

Thank you to everybody who is still reading this, y'all are baes. This is more like a part two to chapter 8. And I am far too hungover to reread this too many times so sorry for the errors. On the other hand, search the song up on youtube because it's beautiful and so fitting to Clarke in general #feels. Update on Wednesday

* * *

_"My heart's not the issue, it's my head that's a mess_  
_I gave the world my everything and got back a lot less_  
_I know that I'm not living I'm only alive _  
_I may still be breathing but a part of me has died"_

_Lost - Wayward Daughter_

Full moon the paper had said. In a matter of nights the Sky People were going to charge TonDC and the Commander would not have enough time to call on her alliances and form a defence big enough to withhold the fire of the guns – _it was a new war they fought and the Sky People were fast_, she could give them that. The Commander was in a very tricky situation.

She would have to call on her warriors to fight, that was unavoidable, but pacing the length of the village gates Lexa could only furrow her brow and search the forest before her for any sign of movement.

It was midday now, and the sun was shining down on the rebuilt village with a mocking smile. She had spent the beginning months of spring in Polis, and though the winter had been mild, Lexa knew summer would not be so kind. She could see it in the flowers – fully blossomed – and the fruits of the trees. The air was already heavy with humidity, and looking around she could see that her warriors were coated in a layer of sweat. Summer, when it came, would be almost unbearable.

Lexa's head snapped up as a shout came through the trees of the forest surrounding the village. Sure enough, there were her warriors leading two Skaikru who were bound by the wrists. She nodded at Indra who was stood at her side – it was Clarke's mother and one of her guards being marched towards her. _If things had been complicated before, they were really complicated now. _

The village watched as her warriors approached the gates. The Commander had tried to keep the prospect of war as quiet as possible, but the appearance of the written declaration made it ridiculously obvious that she wasn't there for the Harvest. She eyed the Skaikru as they staggered towards her.

"So you're the girl who has been giving my daughter nightmares," spat Abby as she was pulled to a harsh stop before the Commander.

"You've heard from Clarke?" asked Lexa. She should have retaliated, established her authority over the captured Skaikru immediately, but she hadn't been able to stop the question from falling out of her mouth.

The woman shook her head, staring at Lexa with the same cold stare that Clarke had. "I don't need to, I just know my daughter."

Lexa raised her chin and looked at the warrior still holding the chains by which Abby and her guards were held. "Take them to the cell and fetch her a healer" she commanded, seeing the blood from a head wound trail down the woman's face.

"Holding us hostage won't stop them from charging," hissed Abby, eyes blazing with an anger which made her look younger than her age. "And killing me will only make them strike harder."

"I know" replied the Commander, drawing herself to her full height to stare the woman down. "That's why you're still alive" and without another word, she turned on her heels and walked back to her tent.

An hour later and she was descending the steps down to the holding cell where Abby and her guard were waiting for her. Normally, Lexa was content to keep her prisoners waiting, but the full moon was nights away and she didn't have the time. Once again she found herself cursing the Skaikru and their complications.

"Let him go," said Lexa to the warrior at her side. "Make sure he goes directly to his camp and then return here."

"Yes Heda" said the warrior. Lexa stood back as he followed her orders. "Go with him," she commanded the only remaining warrior, who narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Go!" she repeated, and then she was left alone in the cell with Abby.

The woman was sat with her back against the tiles of the wall, both her ankles and her wrists bound by strong chains that prevented her from moving very far. She looked up at the Commander with a scolding glare.

"You have not heard from Clarke?" asked the Commander.

"You know that I haven't," replied Abby angrily. "And you have no place asking after my daughter."

Lexa eyed the woman coolly. "Need I remind you who is in chains here?"

"You got what you wanted when you got your people back."

"I do not need to defend my actions to you. You may be Chancellor, but you do not deserve my explanation."

"Did Clarke not appreciate your explanation?" snapped the woman. "You've seen her. That's why you're in here"

The Commander clenched her jaw.

"Clarke is smart enough not to make the same mistake twice, she'll forgive us for seeking war, even if she cannot fully support it."

The Commander pulled the dagger from her belt and crossed the space of the cell in a matter of seconds, pressing the blade against the woman's throat and forcing her chin upwards. In her eyes, Abby could see storms.

"I am assuming you are familiar with pain," growled the Commander.

Abby's angry glare didn't waver. She narrowed her eyes. "You don't scare me."

Lexa's eyes flashed and she bared her teeth in a silent snarl, but she stepped away from the woman. She thought to Clarke calling her a coward – killing an unarmed chained prisoner was no way of the Commander. "My people aren't monsters. In this war you seek we will only fight when _you_ attack us – but when we defend," she warned, "we will show no mercy."

Abby shook her head defiantly. "We would never ask you to."

The Commander nodded her head at the woman and walked out of the cell. Behind her she could hear the door being shut and locked by one of her warriors but she didn't turn – instead she walked to the war tent. She'd spent far too much time there recently.

Inside, Indra and the other Generals were gathered around the map table. They looked up as their Heda stalked in and sat on her throne.

"She told you nothing" stated Indra, regarding Lexa's stony face.

"Glad to see nothing gets by you, Indra" replied the Commander. The Generals in the tent shared knowing glances and left immediately. "This war will not be easily fought" mused Lexa.

"We will do what we need to do to protect our people, Heda, that's the oath we swore as warriors. Commanding death is no easy task."

The Commander sighed, eying Indra suspiciously. The woman was one of the few people whose opinion Lexa could value. "How is the village doing, Indra?"

"It is fine. Lincoln's absence has left its mark though," the woman admitted. Lexa nodded – she knew not everyone agreed with the exile of traitors, even if they did respect it.

"Let her go, Lexa!" demanded a voice. Both warriors looked up to see Clarke burst into the tent.

Lexa lost her breath, but her face stayed blank. Clarke's hair was longer, and she stood strong and angry – two months in the forest had made her even tougher.

"Clarke," whispered Lexa, standing. Indra stood silently in between them.

"I head back to my people and see our guard and your warrior only to find out you've got my only surviving family member locked up" growled Clarke through clenched teeth. "Let. Her. Go,"

"She is in no harm," replied Lexa, struggling to maintain her calm exterior. The Sky Princess' appearance served only to remind her how much she had already lost.

"Lexa, please!"

The Commander's eyes widened at Clarke's pleading, but she remained stoic and neutral as she replied. "Your mother will only die anyway in the war your people have declared."

Clarke's jaw tightened and it made Lexa drop her gaze in shame. "Then let me have the last days with her-" the blond requested, causing the Commander to look up once again at the collectedness of the words, "-before you kill us all."

"Things could have been different," said Lexa quietly.

"They still can be," replied Clarke with a gentleness that caused Lexa's heart to clench uncomfortably within her chest. The air between them softened – _Clarke's words had been a promise. _

"I hope so," Lexa admitted, then pulled her face into her stern mask as she looked at Indra. "Release the prisoner" she ordered.

Indra nodded and walked out of the tent.

"Thank you" said Clarke, so quietly that Lexa almost didn't catch it.

She offered Clarke a small smile which fell as quickly as it graced her lips. She shook her head sadly. "It is the least I could do, Clarke."

The blonde nodded, and left the tent to follow Indra. Alone again, Lexa sunk back into her throne and rested her head against its back.

Complicated indeed.


	10. Moonshine

Words are weird. Filler chapters are horrible. Friday's chapter will be better.

I've nearly finished writing this fun project, but don't worry there are several more chapters and I'll warn you in advance fpr the last couple.

Thinking of doing an AU if anybody is interested/wants to see anything in particular, regardless y'all are fab. :)

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_"I'm a cast away, and men reap what they sow_  
_And I say what I know, to be true"_

_Moondust - Jaymes Young_

"I see they stitched your head" said Clarke to her mother as they made their way back to Camp Jaha. The sun was setting quickly, casting the forest in the shadows of the mountains, but they didn't have much further to go.

"We taught them how to do it before the battle" Abby replied. "Their Commander sent me a healer whilst I was in the cell." She watched as Clarke tensed at the mention of Lexa. "How did you get her to release me?"

Clarke shrugged her shoulders. "She owed me a favour. They don't want war."

Abby bowed her head but kept walking alongside her daughter. "Neither do we - we just need to know we're safe. Our people have not known safety since they were up on the Ark."

"When you lied to them?"

"Yes."

They continued walking through the forest, through clearings they recognised and across the rivers the camp used for their water supply. They were getting close.

"Thank you for coming for me," said Abby quietly, looking at Clarke carefully like she had done in Mount Weather. Her daughter had changed, not in the way Finn had, but her head was lifted and her shoulders were held higher. Now she was no longer just a girl, but a leader in her own right.

"I didn't want to leave…"

"But you couldn't stay?"

Clarke was scared to look at her mother, but when she did she saw only understanding. The pity, if any, was in no way condescending. Clarke knew she had made the right decision to return.

Abby took Clarke's silence as her response and gave her daughter a small smile. "Jake was the same – he used to love walking"

"Through the corridors?" said Clarke lightly, lifting an eyebrow at her mother.

Abby chuckled softly and sighed. "Your dad would have loved it here."

Clarke nodded and bit her lip for a second. "He wouldn't love the war." Her mother remained silent – the wind whistled through the trees as they walked, offering a cool breeze for the end of a warm day.

"We needed to declare war no them before they declared war on us. It was only a matter of time," said Abby, the smile on her face fading further with each word that left from her mouth.

Clarke could hear the chatter of Camp Jaha through the trees and slowed to a stop. Abby turned and looked at her daughter. The blonde was frowning, a question poised on the tip of her tongue, but shaking her head she reached for her mother and hugged her.

"What if there was a way…" said Clarke quietly, pulling back to hold her mother's gaze, "…with no war. We'll still be safe."

Abby sighed, shaking her head gently. "We can't change what is already done – the Grounders won't just forgive us."

Her daughter's eyes flashed with what could only be described as a desperate hope, but her voice was confident as she spoke. "If we have learnt anything from Mount Weather it's that the Commander will take a deal for her people."

"And you have a deal?" asked Abby, following her daughter who had set off towards Camp Jaha with a new determined pace.

"I need to speak to Lincoln," said Clarke, calling back over her shoulder, "but there are people who will help us."

Abby watched as her daughter's pace slowed abruptly, and watched as her breathing deepened and her face fell. She wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her close to her body as they walked on in the way that only a mother could. Abby wasn't there to take her daughter to the ground, but she would take her home.

It was no other than Marcus who spotted them first as they cleared the last of the trees. "Open the gates" he called to the guards and at his command his guards moved and then stood back to let their Chancellor and her daughter through.

The people inside the camp looked up at the disturbance and a shocked silence fell upon them. One by one those who were seated stood up, and those already standing stopped their movements. Clarke could see the survivors of the hundred amongst the small crowd. _They were with their families again. _Abby nodded at her daughter and gave her a smile of support.

"Clarke!" came a deep cry from the crowd before the blur that was Bellamy broke through the gathered people and flung himself at the girl.

"Hey," Clarke whispered back, wrapping her arms around him tightly and leaning into him for support. The crowd were now cheering and clapping in a mixture of relief and happiness that echoed around the camp and made Clarke's lungs lighter.

"Come on," said Bellamy, ignoring the crowds and Abby who had moved to stand besides Marcus. "I never did have that drink."

Clarke nodded and gave a small smile. "Okay," she said, "but only one."

Bellamy wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her into the Ark. "I know" he replied, "You're going to get us out of the war."

They walked quietly through the corridors of the grounded Ark, past people who waved and grinned shyly at Clarke.

"They don't hate me," she whispered in shock as they entered a small room. It was made of the same cold metal as the rest of the Ark, but Clarke could barely recognise it.

"They respect you Clarke. They're grateful for what you had to do, even if they couldn't have had the strength to do it themselves."

Clarke nodded and moved slowly to examine one of the benches that lined the room. She could see now that she was standing in one of the abandoned engine rooms which had been stripped of machinery. Bellamy watched her as she took in the space.

Both of their heads snapped up as the door of the room opened and Octavia burst in. She stalled upon seeing Clarke, before throwing her arms around the blonde in welcome. Clarke found herself laughing properly for the first time in a long while.

Lincoln nodded his greeting at Clarke as he followed Octavia into the room with Raven and Monroe behind him. For a moment they stood there in a hesitant silence before Jasper and Monty walked in, closing the door behind them.

Jasper nodded at Clarke before looking away and busying himself with opening the bottle of moonshine he had brought in with him. Monty gave Clarke a small smile as he hugged her.

"So the gang is back together," Bellamy joked gruffly, catching Raven's eye. Of course there were people missing, _important people, _but the group in the room were no strangers to putting up with difficult things. Clarke nodded her head.

Lincoln cleared his throat, looking down at Octavia before speaking to Clarke. "We will need to talk about the war," he said quietly.

"But not tonight," Raven replied firmly. "That can wait for the morning."

There was a collective nod as the group agreed, and Clarke was grateful that they were willing to wait. She was tired and slightly overwhelmed by the positive welcome she had received upon her return. So instead of talking strategy, they just talked, and drank the moonshine like they weren't scheduled to fight at the full moon.

The next morning Clarke woke in her old bunk with a headache and anticipation for the coming day. It had been Jasper who had offered the first toast –_ for which she allowed herself to feel slightly relieved – _but it was also Jasper who had been first to dismiss himself. After that, Monty had given her an apologetic smile and followed after his friend and before she knew it she was back in her bunk and staring at the ceiling.

She sighed as she stood up and changed into the fresh clothes that her mother had left her – she smiled at the luxury of cleanliness. _It wasn't easy, but it was nice to be back._

People treated her normally as she ate her breakfast in the morning sun. In fact, it was almost as if she hadn't been away at all, but still somewhere deep in her spine she felt guilty for everything she had done. It stopped her from smiling fully, but being back in Camp Jaha was easier thant she had thought it would be.

"I've been to the ocean" she said as she walked into the meeting room of the Ark. There was no need for introductions or a briefing, they all knew why they were gathered there. Clarke scanned the faces at the table. There were guards she recognised, some she didn't, alongside her mother and Marcus and Lincoln, Octavia and Bellamy. She was glad to see they had been trusted by the Council without her needing to say anything.

Clarke looked to Lincoln as she continued. "You were right," she said, thinking back to the time he had helped her and Finn. "They said they would be happy to help us."

She sat back as Lincoln explained for her, and she let her mind zone out as the others asked questions.

"And your Commander will just let us go?" Marcus asked Lincoln.

"She is not our Commander anymore" stated Octavia, drawing Clarke's focus back to the meeting.

"But she will prefer not to fight" said Lincoln blankly. "I think it is our only alternative."

A silence fell upon the room as the plan sunk in.

"So we surrender and leave?" asked Abby.

"It will be a shame to lose the Ark and the technology it houses, but it will be worse to lose more lives," spoke Bellamy, watching Clarke carefully. The girl had said little since she'd first entered the room.

Abby watched Clarke also. "If you think this is what's best for us."

"As long as we don't fight," replied Clarke, rising to leave the room. "But you are the Chancellor, you should lead it." and then she left the room to escape the decision making. She may have been ready to face her people, but she wasn't ready for leading them. _Not yet. _

"Okay," said Abby into the waiting silence of Clarke's departure. "Ensure the soldiers are still being trained for battle, but tell the others to pack what they can."

Octavia and Bellamy shared a look as they remembered the Drop Ship.

"If the Commander accepts our surrender…" continued Abby.

"...then we move our people to the ocean" finished Marcus, clenching his jaw and dismissing the meeting.


	11. A Death by Sword

Happy Easter pals :)

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_"Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids_  
_Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs"_

_Blinding - Florence and the Machine_

That afternoon Bellamy watched over the camp as the guards and the soldiers went on with their training. Everywhere there was a new sense of determination which ran through the Ark like the electricity through the wires – no one had wanted war, even if they needed it. Now, presented with the chance that war could be avoided, the camp was preparing to leave. No one had anybody to wait for, and those who hadn't been united with their children were more than happy to leave the forests that had stolen them.

For a brief moment Bellamy had considered going after Clarke when she left the meeting, but aside from having no idea where she had gone, he also recognised her need to be alone. So there he was, watching over the training. Somewhere amongst them was his sister, and probably Lincoln, teaching people to fight with weapons other than guns – _that was a new thing to all of them. _

Movements in the trees surrounding the camp caused Bellamy to tear his eyes away from the training. "Marcus" he called, pointing to the forest.

Marcus looked up. Galloping horses carrying armed Grounders broke through the trees, led by none other than the Commander herself. The guards at the perimeter of the camp raised their guns, training their aim on the approaching warriors.

"Fetch Abby," Marcus ordered Bellamy. "She's in medical."

Bellamy nodded and left immediately and Marcus checked for the gun on his belt. Then, he strode through the soldiers who had abandoned their training to stand waiting in front of the gate.

The horses halted just metres away from the gates of Camp Jaha and the Commander climbed down. Her body was dressed in full battle armour, and she scanned the gathered soldiers with a dark emotion. Her eyes were shadowed by war paint.

She looked at Marcus through the gates. "This fence will not protect you if you seek war."

"We wanted to talk to you, Commander," said Abby who walked to stand beside Marcus. Bellamy stood behind them.

"I will talk to your leader and your leader alone" replied the Commander, lifting her chin and narrowing her eyes.

"She doesn't want to talk to anyone" said Bellamy, unflinching as Lexa's cold glare fell upon him.

Marcus and Abby shared a quick glance. "Fine," spoke Marcus, nodding to his guards. "But if you come through these gates then you must leave your weapons outside."

Now it was the warriors' turn to tense and share masked looks, but the Commander unsheathed her sword and placed it on the ground.

"And the daggers" demanded Bellamy. Obliging, the Commander removed the daggers from her belt and her boot.

"If we ask it of them," said Lexa sternly to her warriors, "then they may ask it of us."

Marcus nodded his agreement. "Open the gates" he told his guards, and so they did.

The warriors went to follow their Commander as she walked proudly into their enemy's camp, but she held up her hand sharply to stop them. "Wait here" she said.

"Unless your Commander hurts another of my people…" warned Abby, talking to the warriors but staring at Lexa, "… we will not hurt her."

Beyond the gates the warriors growled, but the Commander turned and snapped at them sharply in Trigedasleng, silencing them immediately. Bracing herself, she turned back to the camp.

"Abby will take you to her," Marcus told Lexa. "There is a lot to talk about."

The muscles in the Commander's jaw clenched as Abby led her into the Ark. It was unnatural and having just walked out of the blazing sun of an early summer it was very difficult to see anything. She was used to wood and trees and earth, and even in Polis where the buildings were common she still hadn't encountered anything like this. With the exception of watching Lincoln be revived, she had not been inside the Sky People's Ark before and everything about it made her feel uneasy.

She felt like a prisoner waiting to be experimented on.

The metal floors clashed beneath their feet as Abby and the Commander walked through the long corridors.

"You fight odd wars," Lexa told the woman. She would not have brought her enemy into her home.

"It is an odd world," responded Abby as she came to a stop and turned to the Commander. "Wait here and I shall get Clarke. If you move our guards will call it an attack…" she said harshly. "…and the bullets will go through your head."

The Commander held the woman's gaze, accepting her warning with nothing more than a nod. Abby turned on her heels and left the corridor.

Minutes passed with Lexa staring at the metal of the Ark's frame waiting for Abby to return.

"What are you doing here?"

Lexa looked up, not to see Abby, nor Clarke, but the mechanic Raven glaring daggers into her from down the corridor.

"I wish to speak to Clarke," responded Lexa firmly. This was the girl whose lover she had had killed.

"And I wish to see you tied to a tree," hissed Raven, gesturing to her torso where the Commander had one sliced into the skin.

"Raven" called Abby, causing Lexa to whip her head away from the mechanic and towards the voice. Clarke was with her.

Abby took Raven by the arm and pulled her down the corridor. Lexa watched Clarke's eyes follow the women. The blonde turned to the Commander and gestured to the door behind her.

"We'll talk in here," said Clarke, turning the handle and motioning Lexa to walk in ahead of her.

It was a small room, with seats, but neither of them sat.

"You're uncomfortable Commander," observed Clarke.

Lexa looked calmly back at her. "A lot of people in this camp would like to see me dead."

"I know the feeling," Clarke replied, shrugging. "My best friends still can't look me in the eye."

Lexa stood quietly for a minute. "Would you be the one to kill me, Clarke?" she asked, her voice no louder than a whisper.

"Do you think you deserve that Commander?" responded Clarke. She clear her throat. "I wouldn't worry if I were you, we don't kill people as punishment anymore."

"But that boy?" began Lexa, rubbing her hands around her neck to indicate rope wounds. _Murphy._

"The one you sent back to kill us all with?" asked Clarke. Lexa dropped her hands to her side. "He was to be punished for treason, killing one of our own. A friend of mine." Clarke shook her head at the image of the boy hanging as people watched on. "I didn't support it Commander."

Lexa looked to Clarke whose face was guarded. "How would your people punish me, Clarke?" she questioned.

"Other than war?" said Clarke as she took in Lexa's steady gaze. The Commander nodded slightly.

Clarke sighed and took the girl firmly by the wrist, pulling her arms upwards until they were above her head.

"They would tie you to two posts like this," explained Clarke without emotion. "And whip you with electricity until you went unconscious." Clarke dropped Lexa's arms and took a step back. Now she was in the shadows of the room, where the sun could not bleed through the skylight.

"Like lightning?" Lexa asked quietly.

"Something like that."

"Then why aren't they doing it now. I am in here. Unharmed."

"Because my people said they wouldn't harm you, and we stick to our word, Commander," said Clarke bluntly.

Lexa winced slightly and regarded Clarke with sorrowful eyes. "You never used to call me by my rank."

"I thought it would make it easier to look you in the eye" admitted Clarke as she sat down tiredly.

"And has it?" replied Lexa. She followed Clarke's lead and sat next to her on the bench.

Clarke shrugged, staring at the floor. "I haven't decided yet."

Lexa watched the blonde carefully. "There is not long until the full moon," she said simply.

"Is that why you're here?"

For a moment there was silence as the two girls looked at each other. Honesty, Lexa hadn't thought about why she came to Camp Jaha but Clarke deserved an answer. "I want to make sure you got back here safely, Clarke."

Other than the questioning look in her eye, Clarke didn't respond to Lexa's words. Sighing, she stood up and moved to the door.

"You're wishing to withdraw the declaration of war," guessed Lexa. She had known as soon as she was allowed into the Camp, and it had only became clearer with every second that she wasn't being killed.

"Lexa," said Clarke faintly. She turned to face the girl. "We wish to leave here and head east, away from your territory. We would like your permission for a peaceful passage."

Lexa's breath caught in her throat. Since becoming Commander, she had always thought that she would die an honourable death in a bloody battle. Never did she think it would be at the words of someone who couldn't swing a sword.


	12. The Mountain

This wasn't the entire chapter, but if I was going to update on time I had to cut it a little short. It's all written and waiting to go though so the next 'chapter' will definitely be up on Wednesday.

Also, currently working on a Wedding AU, just fyi :)

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_"Made our choice, a trial by fire_  
_to battle is the only way we feel alive"_

_Alibi - 30 Seconds to Mars_

Clarke watched as Lexa's face fell into a frown, cracking all the masks the girl had attempted to wear. Behind her war paint, her eyes were sad.

"When do you go?" Lexa asked, standing up and reaching for Clarke.

"As soon as we have your word for peace," said Clarke, taking Lexa's hand into her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. She stared at their interlocked fingers as she continued. "I convinced the council that you would stand by it this time."

"What if I don't?" asked Lexa quietly.

"Then I _will _be the one to kill you," replied Clarke, her eye's meeting Lexa's.

Lexa pulled her hand away from Clarke's and took a step back. The closeness she had craved only moments ago was suffocating, and as much as it pained her to acknowledge it, she didn't want her last memories of the blonde to be more torturous than they had already been.

The Commander braced herself and nodded her head. "In that case, Clarke, then I give you my-"

"-No!" interjected Clarke, cutting Lexa off before she could finish promising their safety. The blonde leant against the door. "Don't say anything yet Lexa, just…"

"Clarke?" asked Lexa, confused.

Clarke moved swiftly, opening the door and beckoning Lexa to follow her. "I need to see Mount Weather before we leave. Will you walk me there?"

Lexa nodded.

Abby met the girls with a backpack to give to Clarke as they walked out into the open air. The skies were still clear, but they were dark. It was late evening.

Lexa turned to Clarke. "Don't you want to wait until the morning?" she asked.

Clarke shook her head. "I've done enough waiting and I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway."

Lexa opened her mouth to speak, but shut it just as quickly.

"I don't want your guards," Clarke told the taller girl. "You're the Commander, you should be able to protect us."

"Clarke," said Lexa, "A good Commander knows when to accept the help of others."

"What's that Commander, are you afraid of weakness?" Clarke teased, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Then she put the backpack on and walked towards the gate of the camp.

"Clarke!" Lexa exclaimed, striding after the blonde. "This is foolish."

Lexa stood beside Clarke as she waited for the gates to open. The blonde nodded her head and stepped through the perimeter then turned to face Lexa. Clarke gestured to the warriors.

"It is your call, Commander."

Lexa clenched her jaw.

Clarke caught her eye. "But I am _ready _now."

The blonde strode off into the forest. Behind her she heard Lexa's snappy commands before the sounds of quick footsteps as the girl caught up with her. Clarke allowed herself to smirk.

"We should have taken the horses," stated Lexa into the quiet of the sleeping forest. The girls had been walking for four hours already.

Clarke shrugged, she was ahead of Lexa who was still hesitant to get too close to the blonde. "I prefer walking," Clarke said. She looked over at Lexa. "It takes more time."

Lexa swallowed, turning her gaze to the forest floor.

"Thank you for letting me leave your village," said Clarke after another two hours where the tread of their footsteps on the ground was the only sound they made.

"Thank you for coming to my village," replied Lexa quietly.

Clarke slowed so that Lexa was walking alongside her. "Did you go to Polis?" she asked the girl. Lexa nodded. "Tell me about it."

They walked on as Lexa calmly described the city. She talked of the sights, of the markets, the art and the buildings. Clarke listened carefully.

"What did you do there?" questioned the blonde. Lexa wouldn't look her in the eye.

"Feasts…Drinking…Hunting…Training…"

"And at night? Girls?" Clarke asked lightly.

Lexa lowered her head. "Yes," she admitted.

"Good," said Clarke. "I wouldn't want you getting bored."

"Clarke…"

"Shhh…" said the blonde, smiling softly. "I don't blame you."

Lexa narrowed her eyes.

"You wouldn't have been my first partner, Lexa."

"Finn?"

"No, there were others," said Clarke, chuckling at the absurdity of the conversation. "There were only so many videos to watch on the Ark."

The Commander's face frowned in confusion. "Videos?"

Clarke nudged the taller girl with her shoulder. "Maybe I'll show you one day."

Lexa smiled back at Clarke but didn't say anything else. It was morning now, the light of the sun just kissing the edge of the sky, and it was with the soundtrack of a waking forest that the girls arrived at Mount Weather.

"You can go back now if you want," Clarke told Lexa.

The taller girl eyed the door before them carefully but shook her head. Echoes of what should have been a bloody battle haunted Lexa's mind. At her side, Clarke stood quietly.

"You wish to be here alone, Clarke?"

The blonde hesitated.

"The dead have already been returned to the Earth, Clarke."

"How do you know?" questioned the girl.

"The Sky People helped to rebuild TonDC. My people may not have fought alongside you but they repaid their debt."

"Did you order them to do it?" Clarke asked the taller girl, who dropped her guarded gaze to the floor. They were still stood outside. "Lexa…"

"My people are not the monsters, Clarke, I was the one who took the deal."

Lexa looked to Clarke, preparing herself for the retort she knew she deserved, but in the blonde's blue eyes she saw no anger or bitterness at all. Lexa saw acceptance.

"We're all monsters Lexa, it's just that some of us have to actually use our claws. "

Briefly, the Commander smiled at Clarke's analogy, which caused the blonde to smile back.

"Have you been back here since?" asked Lexa.

"No," said Clarke as she pushed the door open.

"I tried to, but I couldn't."

Neither girl spoke as they walked inside. It was eerily quiet but the corridors were lit by emergency lights. Lexa watched as Clarke looked over the scene thoughtfully. The blonde took hesitant steps towards a room further down the corridor, leaving Lexa to slowly trail after her.

The room was dark with computer screens and monitors lining the wall. Clarke traced her fingers along the edge of a table which sat in the middle of the space. Lexa watched her carefully.

"This is where I-" Clarke whispered before her voice broke.

Lexa reached for the girl and took hold of the hand which had been ghosting over the lever upon the table. Clarke turned to her, eyes cast downwards, and rested her head upon the taller girl's shoulder.

"You can go now, Clarke. You're an excellent leader."

"They fired the missile from here too," Clarke told Lexa, moving to hold her gaze.

Lexa looked again at the monitors on the wall. They were foreign to her, but the layer of dust they were covered in gave her some small comfort.

"Their leader made a choice."

"And he's gone now," said Clarke quietly.

"He's gone now," Lexa confirmed. "Thank you."

"I didn't do it for you," replied Clarke. "You were gone."

Lexa stayed quiet, accepting Clarke's words. They weren't bitter or angry, they were just factual. The Commander recognised the tone as one she often used.

"Come on," continued Clarke, pulling at Lexa's arm as she moved out of the room. "Let's get out of here."

Outside in the open air the sun was high in the sky and the forest was singing with the distant calls of the birds. Lexa waited for Clarke to speak, watching the blonde out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm not ready to go back" Clarke told Lexa.

Lexa thought for a moment and looked down at her feet. "I will stay with you until you are" she replied. "That is, if you don't mind."

The blonde looked up at the brunette, taking in the girl's reserved features. The skin was pale, and even under the war paint the Commander wore, Clarke could see the dark shadows beneath the girl's green eyes.

"You're tired" the blonde observed eventually.

"Clarke," Lexa began, a hint of a smile twisting at the corner of her lips. "You walked us through the forest all night and I haven't slept fully in a week. Of course I am tired."

"Okay Commander," said Clarke whose eyes twinkled. "No need for the attitude."

Lexa sighed and shook her head to hide the smile which had only grown.

"Have you been on this mountain before?"

"Only after your friend removed the acid fog," said Lexa, the smile slipping from her face. "We never managed to get close without having to leave."

Clarke nodded her head. "Then I have something to show you."


	13. Exposed

Part 2 sort of yeh you get me

It's a quality song by the way, full of feels, but the good kind.

This is the third to last chapter *buzzing*

oh, and you'll thank me eventually

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_"If I could end the quest for fire,_  
_For truth, for love and my desire"_

_Alibi - 30 Seconds to Mars_

Lexa let herself be led through the forest and higher up the mountain slope than any of her people had ever been before. Her arm sometimes brushed Clarke's but neither moved to put more space between them.

"Where are you taking me?" the taller girl asked.

"We're nearly there," said Clarke, "but you'll see."

Sure enough, less than ten minutes later the forest gave way to the soft shores of a small of water, filled with the gentle flow of a short waterfall. In the sunlight, the water glistened, reflecting the blue skies above them.

Lexa turned to Clarke, quietly in awe of the sight before her. "How did you find it?" she asks.

"I stayed here for a while. It has no creatures in it, I assure you."

"You're really going?"

Clarke nodded sadly. "We both know my people stand no chance against you. They were just seeking revenge in the only way they know how."

"You don't seek revenge?"

Clarke lifted her hand to Lexa's face and brushed her thumbs gently along the girl's cheekbones. The war paint was rough to touch. "I've found my peace," she said.

Lexa looked at her, frowning softly. She put her hands upon the curves of Clarke's hips and let her head drop as the blonde placed her hands on her shoulders.

"You really are tired," stated Clarke.

"I didn't lie to you, Clarke," Lexa replied.

Clarke hummed and moved her hands to unbuckle Lexa's armour.

"Clarke…"

"It's just me Lexa, do you trust me?"

"Yes," responded Lexa, her voice as quiet as the water's flow. "I trust you."

Clarke placed the armour on the ground before sliding the backpack off of her shoulders and putting it at her feet. "Good," she said.

The blonde nudged at Lexa's shoulder with her hand and led the brunette to the small waterfall.

"What are you doing Clarke?"

"Washing your face," replied the blonde, holding Lexa's gaze with a certainty that put goosebumps on the girl's skin.

Lexa nodded, looked to the waterfall, and then back to Clarke. Silently, she turned to face the water, shrugged her jacket off, and pulled her shirt over her head. Clarke took them out of her hand and put them out of the spray of the water.

"I should probably take my binding off too," said Lexa, turning her head to look over her shoulder at the blonde. "If I don't want it to get wet."

Clarke stepped closer and placed a hand on the binding. Without looking away from Lexa's eyes, she undid the knot and waited for the taller girl to unwrap herself.

Lexa looked forward again at the stream of water that fell from the ledge above them and took a step towards it until it ran down the bare skin of her front. It splashed on her trousers, but she didn't allow herself to care.

Hesitant fingers pulled softly at Lexa's hair as Clarke worked to undo the braids. Lexa could feel how close Clarke was against her back, but let the blonde's hands calm the worry from her mind.

"You're shy, Commander," said Clarke quietly, her voice closer to Lexa's ear than the brunette had expected it to be.

"You make me nervous Clarke," admitted Lexa. She felt Clarke's lips press against the back of her neck before turning around to face the blonde.

Clarke looked up at her with a smile in her eyes. If the water was cold, Lexa stood beneath it without showing it. The day was warm anyway. "Here," Clarke replied, moving her hands to frame Lexa's face again. She drew her thumbs gently over the girl's cheekbones as she had done before. Lexa closed her eyes as she felt the soft stroke against the skin of her face, slow against her eyelids and the bridge of her nose.

When Clarke was finished, Lexa still didn't open her eyes, and Clarke allowed herself to study the girl's face. Alone, the taller girl was no longer the stoic Commander of an army, but she was as beautiful in the calm of peace as she had been in the wild unknown of war. Her hands hung straight at her sides, but Clarke's eyes didn't stray beneath her shoulders. Slowly, she moved her hands from the girl's face and took a step back and walked away.

Lexa stepped out of the falling water and into the afternoon sun. When Clarke returned and passed her a towel she had fetched from the backpack, Lexa was almost dry.

"I'll get some firewood," said Clarke. She still didn't allow herself to look down from Lexa's eyes before leaving.

Lexa dressed and watched the blonde's departing back carefully, smiling softly to herself.

Later, when the sun had fallen and night had arrived, the two girls lay side by side. They had eaten from a small but welcome supply in Clarke's backpack, and now the blonde was breathing softly on the edge of sleep. Besides her Lexa, despite her tiredness, couldn't bring herself to close her eyes.

Instead, she stood up silently and walked to the embers of the fire the girls had built and rekindled them. She looked up at the night sky, staring at the stars and the nearly full moon.

"What are you looking at Lexa?" came the quiet voice of Clarke as she stretched and moved to stand beside the taller girl.

Lexa turned her gaze to Clarke who stood looking up at her waiting for an answer.

"The stars," said Lexa.

"I used to look at Earth," Clarke told the girl. "I used to draw what I thought it would be like."

"At least you will get to see more of it now."

"Lexa…"

The brunette sighed and looked back to the stars.

"We'll be off of your territory," Clarke whispered.

"You will be in danger as you travel."

"We may not be warriors, but we can take care of ourselves."

Lexa huffed, keeping her gaze fixed on the stars of the sky.

Clarke watched the girl closely. "I could take you down."

Before she knew it, Clarke had tackled her to the ground. For a moment Lexa was shocked, but quickly she regained control, flipping them both smoothly to pin Clarke down instead. The blonde lay beneath her, smirking up at her.

"That was not smart Clarke, this is no joke. You should stop smiling."

Clarke raised an eyebrow, staring adamantly into Lexa's eyes and rising to be closer. "Make me," she challenged.

Lexa swallowed, before surrendering and leaning down to capture Clarke's lips in a desperate kiss. It was hard and bruising and returned immediately by the blonde who was pushed back on to the ground. Clarke threw her arms around Lexa's neck, pulling the brunette even closer.

With a gasp, Lexa pulled herself away from the kiss and stared down at Clarke with panicked eyes. Both girls were breathing heavily.

Clarke removed her arms from Lexa's neck and traced the girl's jaw with a steady hand.

"Lexa…"

The brunette shook her head firmly. "Please," she said. "Clarke, please don't go." She turned her head to lean into Clarke's touch against her chin. "Please," she whispered.

Clarke looked up at Lexa through concerned eyes. Lexa was exposed, fully clothed but as vulnerable as she had ever shown to anybody.

"Clarke," Lexa begged. "Please don't leave."

"Okay," said the blonde.

Lexa collapsed into Clarke's hold, trembling.


	14. Every Night I Try My Best to Dream

Sorry if most of this is dialogue, the final chapter won't be*smiles angelically*

I'll see you Monday folks

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_"And the salt in my wounds isn't burning any more than it used to  
__It's not that I don't feel the pain,  
__it's just I'm not afraid of hurting any more"_

_Last Hope - Paramore_

When Clarke woke up the next morning, Lexa was sat against a nearby tree wearing her armour once again.

"That should not have happened."

"Lexa…"

"It was weakness."

Sitting up, Clarke looked wearily over to Lexa who held her gaze. The brunette's face was void of emotion, as blank as Clarke had ever seen.

"Don't say that unless you mean it."

Lexa stayed quiet but swung her eyes to the waterfall instead of Clarke.

"We should go then, so I can leave with my people."

"We should."

Clarke narrowed her eyes, but saying nothing she stood and picked up the backpack from the ground beside her.

"You know, Lexa, I thought you actually cared for a second last night."

Clarke saw the muscles of Lexa's jaw clench but shook her head and sighed.

"I cannot ask you to stay when I cannot, Clarke. TonDC is no place for a Commander."

"Then I think you'll find that it's you who is leaving. Again."

"I don't want you to hate me."

"Then stay!"

"It is not that simple, Clarke, I will need to return to Polis."

"Your people come first."

"Yes."

Clarke bit her lip and sighed. She gave one last look to Lexa before starting the walk back to camp.

She knew Lexa had followed her, had felt the Commander's eyes burn into her back, but the taller girl was so quiet in her footsteps that Clarke could almost forget her presence. Regardless, it was a long walk filled with silent tears and angry thoughts which only got louder with each hour that passed.

"Clarke…"

The blonde stopped and slowly turned to Lexa. "What?" she asked.

Lexa flinched at the coldness in Clarke's tone but carried on anyway. "I will miss you," she admitted.

"You don't get to miss me, Lexa," growled Clarke. "You lost that chance this morning."

"I must do what is best-"

"For your people?"

"For _us, _Clarke. We must not be made weak-"

"Stop" said Clarke, pushing Lexa roughly against a nearby tree. "You've said enough," she spat, and then released the girl and started walking again.

Neither of them said another word.

The warriors were still stood outside the gates when the two girls returned to Camp Jaha, but it was Abby who greeted them first, walking calmly over the distance of the clearing.

"We can go," Clarke told Abby. The blonde refused to look over her shoulder as she strode back to the camp. In her daughter's absence, Abby looked at Lexa carefully.

The Commander held her gaze, eyes neutral of emotion and face pulled into a mask again – even without the war paint. "Clarke is correct, we will let your people pass."

Abby lifted her chin in understanding, and threw a quick glance back to the camp. "Thank you," she replied.

Lexa shook her head slightly, but continued with the same emotionless voice. "There is nothing to thank. We did not honour the alliance."

"But you haven't chosen to kill us all."

"It is a sacrifice." Lexa looked at Abby – her eyes were so unlike Clarke's with the fire and the pain. The girl swallowed, took a deep breath and spoke words she knew her generals wouldn't entirely agree with. "If the Skaikru elect to stay then we will forgive all threats of war."

Abby nodded her head slowly in contemplation.

"I will be back to TonDC at the next full moon," said the Commander, gesturing to her warriors to bring over her horse and climbing gracefully onto it. She looked down at Abby as she had look down at lndra only days ago and then over to Camp Jaha. Amongst the gathered people, Clarke was nowhere to be seen. "If you have not left then we will meet, and we will make a deal."

"I will inform the Council," replied Abby.

Noting the lack of promise, the Commander nodded and pulled at the reins of her horse. Following her lead, the warriors did the same and soon they were thundering away from the camp. Abby was left to watch as the cloud of dust settled in their wake.

A month later and the leaders of Jaha were preparing to travel to TonDC, carrying weapons for defence that they would later refuse to remove. A rider had been sent with a message, and he now sat stone still upon a waiting horse.

"We cannot go with you," Lincoln told Marcus as Octavia nodded in agreement. "They may forgive you, but they will not welcome traitors."

"Sounds familiar," mused Clarke as she walked over to the group.

"If you cannot go, then we have nobody who understands the Grounders' ways," said Abby, "and that is not a mistake we can afford to make this time."

"The Sky Princess should go," said the rider on the horse, his voice ringing in that way which was still foreign to the Arkers. He wore a mask, and looked straight forward. "It is what Heda is expecting."

Lincoln looked apologetically at Clarke. "You should go. She respects you more than she respects anybody else."

Clarke huffed. "What if I don't respect her?"

Lincoln laughed darkly, a sound which surprised even Octavia. "Then this should be interesting." He turned to speak to the others. "You are best to leave now or else you'll get there after dark."

It was early evening when they arrived, and the Grounder rider led them straight through the village to where Indra was standing outside of the tents. Her fierce eyes scanned the Sky People and her hand clasped at the dagger on her belt.

"Come with me," she said, motioning to the group to follow her as she walked further into the village.

The group, silent in their walking and tired by their travel, did as they were told. Bellamy stood at Clarke's side, hand on his pistol, but she was not relaxed.

There was a fire at the place Indra brought them to which lit the surrounding forest and illuminated a vine covered statue in a warm orange glow. It reminded Clarke of the cave she had found Lexa in, all those months ago.

People stood around the fire but - with their backs to the approaching Sky People – they were nothing but silhouettes.

"Heda," said Indra, needlessly announcing their arrival.

Having walked closer, and with eyes finally adjusted to the brightness of the fire, Clarke was able to recognise the figures. There was Lexa, staring firmly at the flames, and beside her a woman.

"Clarke," said the woman warmly as she faced the Sky People. Lexa stayed staring at the fire.

"Marie," replied Clarke, ignoring the confused look of her people besides her. "I was not expecting to see you again."

Marie looked briefly to Lexa and then back to Clarke. "Neither was I, child." She turned to greet the rest of the Sky People in the clearing.

Clarke could hear them introduce themselves, in some distant part of her mind registered them as they shared their names, but Clarke's eyes stayed trained on the outline of Lexa's back. Clarke walked automatically to stand beside her.

"There is an oath," said Lexa without turning to greet her. "That my people have used for generations." She looked at Clarke once before turning away from the fire completely. "A powerful oath punishable only by death," she told the gathered group. She didn't raise her voice at all, but it commanded the attention of the Sky People as clearly as if she had shouted.

Lexa scanned the faces of her audience, but she couldn't look at Clarke.

"Between two warriors it is strong," she continued. Then she turned to Clarke, "but between two leaders it forms the strongest alliance we can make. It would bind our people not only by word, but by blood and by spirit."

"Blood brothers" said Bellamy.

"Yes son," replied Marie. "It is rare – we don't easily share our blood."

Lexa ignored Bellamy and Marie and dropped deliberately to her knees before Clarke. The blonde towered over her.

"It is a vow to protect each other, care for each other, and fight alongside each other as long as there is still blood in our veins," continued Lexa, staring up at Clarke earnestly. Clarke didn't look away.

Slowly, Lexa pulled an ornate dagger from her belt and took it by the blade to hold it out to Clarke.

The blonde shook her head. "I – I can't," she started. She swallowed. "I will do the oath with you, Lexa, but I can't make another bleed."

Lexa let out a silent breath in relief, and without a word Marie walked over to them and took the knife from her. The woman pressed the blade into the meat of the Commander's palm and pulled away as blood started breaking the surface. Marie turned to Bellamy and held out the knife to him, but Lexa did not look away from Clarke.

"You should take this, son," suggested Marie, gesturing at Bellamy to take the knife. "She is your Princess."

Bellamy swallowed and nodded, following Marie's lead and slicing into the skin of Clarke's palm. Like Lexa, she did not look at the knife.

"She has weakened her sword hand," Indra told Marcus who watched the girls with doubtful eyes. "You do not need to worry about the Commander's intentions."

The Commander reached for Clarke's hand and pressed their two palms together in a strong, confident grip. It wasn't the same hold the Grounders normally used where they clasped elbows. This was softer and much more vulnerable.

Clarke didn't believe in reincarnation, or spirits for that matter, but even she could appreciate the power of the oath. The clearing, with the exception of only nature itself, fell into a watching silence – the leaders of the Sky People and the Commander's most senior warriors alike. There was power in the air and it hummed beneath the moon.

"Here child," said Marie, offering a small bottle to Clarke, "for your hand."

"I'll do it," spoke Abby, walking to Clarke. Lexa rose from her knew and walked away from the fire.

There was a still calmness in the air but the Commander was tense. "Indra will lead you to your tents when you are ready, we will talk of details in the morning," she informed Marcus and Bellamy, before nodding at her guards and walking away from the clearing.

Clarke watched her leave, her throat drying. "Did I do this too fast?" she asked her mother as Abby wrapped her hand expertly in a bandage.

"You followed your instinct Clarke," her mother replied. She pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead. "I'm proud of you."

"You did the right thing Princess," said Bellamy.

Clarke looked at him. "Yeah. I hope so."


	15. No Dawn, No Day

Okay where to begin...  
This will be posted also on AO3 but edited and hopefully improved, check it out there if you so desire  
When I've got my head round the plot I'll be posting a multi chapter au about these two beauties meeting up after years apart, which I'm looking forward to writing if I'm honest  
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, let me know what you think, and I was incredibly embarrassed writing this chapter, just fyi...

* * *

_I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map_  
_And knew that somehow I could find my way back_  
_Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_  
_So I stayed in the darkness with you_

_Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine_

It wasn't totally dark in Lexa's tent - she had lit the candles in their holders before she had even taken off her armour which now sat proudly beneath the table where she couldn't see it. Even after all these years of being the Commander, she preferred it that way.

Lexa, for her part, stood calmly in the middle of the space between the table and her bed, staring idly at the blade of the dagger she had used for the oath. It was no longer dripping blood - she had cleaned it as soon as she got back to the tent. Now, its blade was as clear as any metal as she looked down at her shadowed reflection. It could be considered 'thoughtful', except no coherent thought passed through her mind. She had watched the fire and now there was just smoke. She found no distraction from the emptiness.

She didn't turn around when footsteps crunched across the gravel outside her tent, nor when the midnight breeze slipped through the opened door. Neither did she turn as Clarke walked in slowly and stood patiently.

"Did you not find your tent, Clarke?" Lexa asked. Her fingers traced the decoration of the dagger's handle.

"I did," Clarke responded as she walked further into the tent and lifted herself to sit on the table.

Lexa turned and gave her a questioning look.

"Marie told me you'd be here," Clarke admitted. She held her chin high as Lexa's eyes bore into hers.

"I see," said Lexa. She swallowed.

"Lexa," replied Clarke, eyes dark as she held out her hand. "You came back."

The taller girl placed the dagger down. Reluctantly, she took the outstretched hand and let herself be pulled closer to the table where the blonde was sitting.

Clarke pulled again on Lexa's hand, lifting the still healing palm to her lips. "I'm tired of fighting this," she muttered into the girl's skin.

Lexa looked at Clarke before stepping closer, standing now between the girl's legs. The blonde released her hand and wrapped her arms tightly around the brunette' shoulders. They stayed there, Lexa leaning into the blonde as she breathed in the Sky Princess' hair, head buried into the crook of her neck.

"Hey," whispered Clarke, stroking a thumb along Lexa's jawline and causing the brunette to look at her. "Don't be shy, okay?"

Lexa nodded and gave a small smile that made Clarke's heart beat faster. Where Lexa was standing she could feel its steady rhythm against her own chest. Clarke leant in, slowly, and her lips met Lexa's. In the kiss there was no desperation, or panic, but wanting and hope. It was calm and measured and so, so needed.

Clarke's hands moved to Lexa's hair, pulling the bands from the braids carefully as the kiss continued. Lexa placed her hands on Clarke's thighs, just by the blonde's knees, to steady herself. Clarke gave a soft sigh.

The brunette pulled back from the kiss, just slightly, so that she could look at Clarke. Her breathing was heavy, and when Lexa squeezed her thighs gently she nodded and wrapped her legs firmly around the girl's waist as Lexa lifted her from the table. Clarke's eyes shone with confidence as she let herself be carried across the tent.

Lexa lowered the blonde gently onto the furs of the bed, her green eyes sparkling with the same fire which was now burning in Clarke's. She hovered over the blonde, hesitant in her movements, until Clarke pulled her down into another kiss. It was a deep kiss this time.

Slowly, Clarke's hands moved to Lexa's hips and scraped at the skin where the girl's shirt had ridden up. Gasping, Lexa leant back, rose to her knees and allowed her shirt to be pulled up over her head. It was tossed somewhere in the tent.

Hungry hands followed the path of the shirt as Clarke trailed her touch up the tough muscles of Lexa's stomach. Lexa helped her undo the bindings and watched the blonde take her in, her skin burning under Clarke's smoky gaze. It was the first time Clarke had allowed herself to check the Commander out, and it left her stunned.

Strong fingers at the edge of her own shirt pulled Clarke back to the present where Lexa was looking down at her, asking silently for her permission to remove the material. Clarke lifted herself to kiss Lexa again and broke it only to slip the shirt off. Undeterred, Lexa traced the blonde's jaw with her lips and her calloused hands pushed Clarke back down onto the bed as they ran across the newly exposed skin.

"You finally get to see me undressed," husked Clarke. Lexa chuckled into the softness of the blonde's neck.

The chuckling was cut short as Clarke's fingers moved to the waistband of Lexa's trousers. The brunette sat up, but Clarke followed, capturing Lexa in a searing kiss as she flipped them over. Slowly, Clarke crawled backwards down the bed, eyes locked with Lexa's before she pressed a kiss in the centre of her tanned ribs, then on her stomach and down, down, down until she was at the waistband. She nipped at the skin on Lexa's hip bone, and dragged the trousers down her long legs until Lexa laid entirely naked on the bed.

Teasing, Clarke walked her fingers up the side of Lexa's body, long her hip and her ribs. With a groan that made Clarke laugh, Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and flipped them again so that she sat straddling the blonde's clothed thigh. Lexa held onto Clarke's hand tightly as she looked down at her.

"It's okay, Lexa," whispered Clarke. Her voice was low. "I trust you."

That was all it took for Lexa to move, still as caring as before, but she allowed herself to lose her fears in the moment. Clarke watched the brunette relax and smiles crept like ghosts across their faces as they forgave each other.

Clarke surrendered to the touch as she felt Lexa pull the trousers down her thighs, the warmth of the material immediately replaced by the warmth of Lexa's mouth as she kissed the length of each leg. The blonde grasped at Lexa's hair as the girl moved up her body, pulling her mouth against her own impatiently.

Lexa broke the kiss, placing an elbow next to Clarke's head and watched the blonde as she rested her body on top of hers. She traced Clarke's collarbone lightly with her fingertips. "We have time, Clarke," she whispered as she kissed behind Clarke's ear.

"We have time," agreed Clarke breathlessly. Lexa's hand moved from her shoulder to trace the length of her torso. The furs beneath her were soft, and Lexa's body was warm, and Clarke had not felt such comfort in a very long time - if ever at all.

Her chest lifted and a soft moan slipped from her mouth as Lexa kissed down her neck. Clarke could feel the Commander's muscles clench as their bodies moved against each other, like the slow dance of the twisted flames. Lexa's touch was fire, and Clarke was happy to be burnt.

"We have time, Clarke," muttered Lexa again into Clarke's neck, the warmth of her breath tickling at the skin there. Still moving, she lifted her head to capture Clarke's moan roughly in her mouth and the kiss only broke when Clarke, finished, pushed at Lexa's shoulder so that she could recapture her breath.

"Stop smirking," laughed Clarke faintly as Lexa rolled off of her. The blonde stretched as the Commander propped herself up on her elbow, lying on her side to overlook Clarke.

"And what if I don't?" asked Lexa, eyes alight with a mischief that made Clarke bite her lip.

"Well Commander..." replied Clarke as she pushed Lexa backwards. She laughed as the girl fell onto the fur with a huff. "I think you're about to find out." She hooked a leg over Lexa's hips and shuffled back as she pushed a hand between their two bodies.

"Clarke," Lexa breathed before her ability to speak English escaped her completely, Clarke bit down on the girl's collarbone when the Commander gave a guttural moan which ripped through both bodies. Stunted phrases tumbled out of the brunette's mouth, foreign to Clarke's ears. She didn't need a translator to recognise the meaning behind the words.

Lexa wanted Clarke to be closer. _Needed_ Clarke to be closer.

Clarke hummed against her skin, pressing her body further into Lexa's and breathing in her warmth. Her tongue traced a bead of sweat up from the contour of the brunette's neck and Lexa almost cried out, her nails dragging sharply down the length of Clarke's spine.

**x**

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Ta for all your eyes on my words, it has been one heck of a journey :)  
find me on tumblr : thesewildfiresgrow


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